Showing posts with label Famous. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Famous. Show all posts

Monday, March 4, 2013

Memory Monday: Orange Julius


I'd like to think that everyone's life is an adventure.
That, no matter what someone's lot in life is, there's a sort of adventure even if you never leave the country or go bungee jumping.

So far, my life has been that kind of adventure. Muted, somewhat subdued, yet wonderful. : )
Although, there was one point where it could've fallen into a sort of brash, fast-paced sort of endeavor.  One that could've taken me in a completely different direction.

Friends, I'd like to tell you about the time I was almost famous.

When I was about 5 or 6 years old, there was a shopping center that we used to go to all the time by our house. It surpassed all ordinary shopping centers because it had this little ride in the middle, a pet store, a fountain, a Learning Ladder (one of the coolest stores on earth when I was a kid), and an Orange Julius. Let me take the time to fill you in on each one of these places so you get the full effect of its splendor on my young person.

The ride was this little carousel thingie, but with cars. Different themed cars that had stuffed animals in the passenger seats, and in the center of this procession was a giant Icee. This ride was almost more of a dream than a reality. A mirage. An entity. In other words, I was rarely allowed on it. I recall once, just... once.

The pet store was another favorite because seriously come on who doesn't like fluffy bunnies and puppies and hamsters and things???

I vividly remember the fountain. There was a short flight of stairs, and the fountain flowed from the upstairs to the downstairs, like a tiny waterfall. My mom would give us coins to make wishes on. I'd make hopeful wishes that probably never came true (If they did, there's a chance I'd be a mermaid right now...)

The Learning Ladder was more of a mom store. Really, it was the dream of homeschooling moms everywhere, because it had all sorts of books and learning tools and whatnot. But it was colorful, and had a Thomas the Tank Engine train table. Therefore it was objectively amazing.

Then there was the Orange Julius.





Oh, melodic name that sings of joy in liquid form!

At that time, the Orange Julius, to me, was like gold made from the most radiant sunlight, harvested from the purest mountain by the good Lord's most trustworthy cherubs. In order to convert it to liquid, it was not blended, no; but instead, it was melted by the sweet voices of the angels as every harmonious chord that left their flawless throats broke it down, so to speak, into its purest of forms: The Orange Julius. Sweet nectar from on high.

The Orange Julius was the highlight of the shopping center. I was drawn to those things like a newly-hatched sea turtle is drawn to the ocean that carries it home.

Anyway, on one particular trip to said shopping center, Karissa, Kyla and I were promised Orange Juli (that's the plural term, right?) I don't really remember the details of that trip, I just remember being drug around for a painfully long time. That Julius was what kept up my 5 year old morale. It was the orange light at the end of a dreary tunnel.

My mom's errands were coming to an end, when we ran into this professional-looking lady who looked at the three of us kids and exclaimed, "Oh my goodness! Your kids are adorable!" She then proceeded to give my mom her card, tell her she was a modeling agent, and she'd love to take pictures of us if we had the time. She gave all the details, which I don't remember. I do remember that we were to go to a certain location for the photo shoot, that happened to be that very day. I immediately imagined myself walking down a runway.

When the lady said goodbye, my mom turned to us. "Ok guys," she said, "We can go to this thing if you want to. What do you want to do?"
Karissa and I passionately exclaimed that we wanted to go. But then she said... "The only thing is, if we go, we won't have time to go to Orange Julius."

My naive mind, not being able to foresee that this wouldn't be the only opportunity to have an Orange Julius in the future, saw it as a tragic dilemma. I pondered for a second, then, in a moment that changed the course of history, I made my decision.

"Let's go to Orange Julius."

The fates were sealed in those five words. Karissa, following my example, agreed by default.
My chances of being discovered as a young model were vanquished.
The desire for fame was squelched by the desire for gold.
Some might think my mom was to blame for putting such a weighty decision into my young, albeit spidery hands. To that I say nay. She was only putting our desires first and preventing herself from being one of these moms.



And for that, I am thankful. (Very, very thankful).

And who knows? Child stars rarely have a wholesome end. My fifteen minutes of fame on a Carter's Kids catalog could've led me down a drunken road of depravity.
One second an Orange Julius, the next, CRACK COCAINE.
Vodka in my sippy cup.
Sneaking a pack of cigarettes between potty breaks.
The paparazzi catching me in nightclubs past my bedtime.
The police raiding my Barbie Dream House.

I look at what could've been, and I have no regrets.
Although, it is a shame that I might be depriving the world of this.


Oh. And I tried an Orange Julius when I went to the mall last year. It was the first time in about eleven years.
I didn't like it. :P

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Us People are Ok.

You know what makes me laugh?

Celebrity magazines.


















They're just so ridiculous sometimes.

What I find so ridiculous is that a lot of the time, it's not like they're doing anything any more interesting than what's going on in our everyday lives; it's just more interesting to read about them going to the store and walking their dogs because they're famous.
























These articles are the ones that make me laugh the most. "Stars: they're just like us!"
But... if they were "just like us," would pictures of them walking out of an outhouse or cleaning out their cars be worth putting in a magazine?

At what point do celebrities stop being popular actors/actresses/artists and start becoming gods? It's sort of funny seeing how people react when meeting a famous person. Some people cry. Like seriously, burst into uncontrollable wailing sobs. Of course, I've never met a celebrity, so I'm not exactly sure how I'd react, but I probably wouldn't cry. I'm sort of awkward with just about anyone I meet, so I'm pretty sure I'd be the way I am when I meet a friend of a friend that I've stalked a few times on Facebook. "Oh, hey... you're Julia Roberts. Wow, it's so nice to finally meet you... I've heard a lot about you. Are you still acting? Oh, wait, duh..."

We put celebrities on a pedestal and treat them as immortal, then we become devastated when they make mistakes. They're human beings! They're going to make mistakes. And sometimes, those mistakes are due to the pressure of being celebrities. Then they get a whole bunch of attention from the press, but it's negative attention. This cycle goes round and round, until we have celebrities who are a total mess, have no real talent, but just walk around being famous.

...And do I read some of these magazines?
Yes. Yes I do.
I'm not totally against everything in celebrity magazines. It's actually frustrating, because they have a lot of good articles, too: Interviews, fashion advice, the occasional inspirational article...
But you have to wade through the lies, gossip, and pointless drama to get to them.

There is one way to sort of minimize the garbage you need to step over in order to get to the good articles.

Let's call it:
THE CLUTTER SCALE.

The Clutter Scale helps us to determine just how much gossip and annoying, stalkerish pictures are in celebrity magazines. The theory is that the more gossip there is in a magazine, the more cover stories and pictures will be on the front.

Examples:



Clutter Scale: Mild
There's gossip, but some of it might be avoidable.




Clutter Scale: Moderate
The cover is still fairly organized, but there are definitely more pictures and cover articles. There will be points where you scoff and roll your eyes.



Clutter Scale: Severe
Only read these if you need a good laugh, or if you're genuinely interested in Justin Bieber's favorite socks or what hair gel Robert Pattinson uses.


Clutter Scale: Extreme
Don't touch it. Don't even look at it. Run. Run far, far away.


Now, of course, there are exceptions to just about every rule. The Clutter Scale won't save you every time, but I think it's a good rule of thumb. :) Another good rule of thumb? If there are no good articles and the remaining ones make you feel dumber, don't read them. Just put the magazine down and read a book, or something.