Memory Monday: Reverse Kidnapper

I am the queen of awkward situations.

I don't know how, but they just find me. It's like I emanate a vapor of misfortune and incoordination that attracts awkward situations like lost little woodland creatures to a natural spring of water. It's really quite beautiful.

This awkward situation is one I'm reminded of whenever we drive by a certain house in our neighborhood.

I've mentioned a few times here that I'm involved in fundraising for the Pregnance Resource Center. One of the ways that I raise money is by going door to door in my neighborhood. A couple years ago, a friend and I were fundraising in my neighborhood, and came to a cute little house with a stay-at-home mom and her two kids. She listened to our little speech and told us she'd really like to donate, but she'd have to talk to her husband first, so maybe we could come back some other time. We agreed, and after saying goodbye, we went on to other houses.

We didn't raise as much money as we had hoped, and my friend asked me if I was going to go back to that lady's house later.

At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to. What if she wasn't actually expecting me to come back? She told us we could come back later, though, so it's not like I didn't get some sort of invitation. And think of the babies! 
It was my duty to go back and claim that money. It was for the greater good, anyway.

I told my grandpa about it, and he wanted to come with me. He gave me a ride over to their house and waited in the car as I walked up to the door.

Little did I know that what waited for me was yet another awkward moment.

The woman answered with her toddler standing at the door in nothing but a diaper. I could see the surprise on her face when she recognized me. "Oh, um... I'm sorry... I still haven't talked to my husband yet... let me call him..." Already the discomfort of the situation wrapped around me like an itchy sweater.

She left her toddler standing in front of me in the doorway. He looked up at me with these huge eyes and a puzzled look on his face. I smiled down at him and said hello, but he didn't return the sentiments.

Instead, he took off running down the street.

I didn't want him to run into the road, so I went after him (he hadn't gone too far yet), and picked him up. I set him back where he was standing in the doorway, looking a bit shaken by having a strange girl pick him up.

That's when he started crying. Really loud.

In shock I stood there, wondering what to do. I felt like some sort of reverse kidnapper. Every second felt like another minute as I tried to calm him down.

The woman came to the door and I told her what happened, and she thanked me, making it feel a little less weird. Then she handed me a twenty dollar bill. I felt gratitude, triumph and accomplishment rise in my chest. There were more obstacle than expected, but I did it!

Then she asked me if I had change for $10.

So I got change from my grandpa, thanked her, and drove away, feeling the fleece blanket of my own awkwardness irritating my skin. At least it went to a good cause. :P

Katie's Birthday!!!

Today isn't just April 4th to our family. Because on April 4th we celebrate another birthday!

Today Katie turns 4.

Ugh, it's pure madness. I remember the day I walked into that hospital room with my sisters to see my dad holding a potato.

But it wasn't just a potato.

It was a potato with arms, legs, a face... a heartbeat...

She was tiny, only 4 pounds when she was born. (I thought I'd clear that up, in case you were wondering whether my sister is some sort of genetically mutated potato head hybrid.)

Because she was so tiny in utero, the doctors thought there was something wrong with her. They even suggested "terminating the pregnancy," as they put it. My mom didn't listen to them, and it's a good thing she didn't. It turned out that Katie somehow managed to tie a double knot in the cord. O_o So the fact that she was perfectly normal and didn't have more difficulties from the knot makes it a total miracle. :)

^(This picture kind of shows how tiny she was, but the face she's doing kind of makes her look like an alien.) haha XD

Katie is our "Free spirit." ;P In a household of shy little girls, she's the social butterfly. She loves to talk to just about anybody. She's very honest, too... which will be a good thing when she's old enough to manage her honesty better (as opposed to going up to someone and saying, "Why are you so BIG?!") :P

She's also very busy. She's crafty with a pair of scissors (say her bangs), can work wonders with crayons and markers (says the wall), and I just heard my mom tell her, "No, honey... that's a glue stick, not lipgloss!"

That's Katie, and our house would be very boring without her. ;D

Happy Birthday, Katiebug! :)

Memory Monday: Bobby

Ok, Ok, I've already told this one to a bunch of people, but it was so comical, I thought it would be fun to write about (plus... there has to be someone who hasn't heard it yet, right?!)

This is the tale of when I broke a baby's arms.

I assure you, it's not as bad as it sounds. :P (I'm not a psychopath!)

Katie was the proud mother of a plastic baby doll named "Bobby." Yes, Bobby is a girl. Yes, Bobby is a very cheap plastic doll that we probably got for under $5. Yes, Bobby breaks very easily.

So it starts like this: Me, sitting in my room with my sister Karly, having a good ole time, when...

(Enter Katie with Bobby) "Kawee, can yew hewp me put this dwess on Bobby?"

I straightened up and took the doll and the dress. "Sure, lemme see..."

If I can remember right, everything started out fairly normal. I started putting the dress on with no problem, but then I discovered that Bobby had a bit of a problem:

Her arms were very stiff, and no matter what way I tried to position them, I could not fit her arms in the holes.

I think by this time Katie left (or I asked her to leave), and I had an idea. I was pretty sure that this certain kind of doll was very easy to dismember and put back together again. If I just removed the head and the arms, put the dress on, then put the arms and the head back on... mission accomplished!

I put my plan into action. Pop off head? Check. Pop arms off? Double check. Put dress on? Check. Put arms back on...? Ok... why weren't they going back on???

Oh, goodness.

WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!

The arms, no matter how hard I tried to push them back into place, were not going back in. I pushed, I twisted, I banged with my fists... nothing. Karly laughed and watched the whole time (and I kinda started to panic), when Katie started to come in with my mom. I hid Bobby behind my back, trying not to laugh. After some badgering and me trying to explain to mom without letting on to Katie, she saw Bobby. And it wasn't pretty.

I'm pretty sure I remember "YOU KILLED BOBBY!!!" Being her exact words. :P

I assured her I was going to fix Bobby. I went to work.

I brought out the big guns. I tried a butter knife and a mallet, and neither of those things worked. In the end, about 30 minutes and two very sore thumbs later, it turned out I was able to revive Bobby with brute force applied to the amputated region, and a bit of a twisting motion.

Mission accomplish! I was so relieved.

I proudly walked into Katie's room with the mended Bobby, dress on and body parts intact. I happily and tiredly handed it to her with my strained and mangled hands, and she smiled and said thank you.

Then do you know what she said? (True story, I kid you not...)

"We need to take her dress off."

Ha. Haha. Hahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

New Years and Milestones

Soooo 2012 is practically a day away (I'm starting this post at 11:30... so by the time I finish, it *will* be a day away!). I really don't know what to think about it. I think right now my brain is scrambled with several different thoughts/feelings about the upcoming year:

1. Where the heck has the year GONE?! I'm still pondering over what happened to 2010, which vanished into thin air yesterday. It seems like only a few hours ago I was chatting with a really good friend of mine on Skype for three hours to see him into 2011... (good times). :)
2. I'm going to be OLD this year. Ok, maybe not *old*, but I'll be what society considers an "adult." Old enough to vote, old enough to date a 35 year old... (Just kidding, mom). But the whole idea of being an adult weirds me out. What happened to being 10? 10 was a good age...
3. I'm going to graduate this year! :O *brain freezes* Think happy thoughts.... think happy thoughts...
4. The world is going to end this year.

*Kaboooooom!* Heheh, it's kind of easy to want to freak out over all the "end of the world" predictions. I wonder what December 2oth of next year is going to be like, with everyone thinking they have one day to live. People are going to do some pretty crazy things. But... we don't know the day or the time, no matter how much we want to try and predict it. :P

So yeah.

There are a lot of things I'd like to accomplish this year, too.

• Fix our sewing machine and finally get some use out of it! (Maybe I should learn how to sew, while I'm at it...)
• Try cooking more
• Read my Bible more
• Graduate
• Meet more people
• Get my driver's license!!!
• Get a job
• Get a tattoo of a skull on my face (once again, kidding :)
• Continue working on ASL and get this whole "college" thing figured out...

Aside from the milestones for *me* that I mentioned, Kyla will be a teenager this upcoming year, Khloe will be a decade, and Kianna will turn one, just to mention a few of them. It's so freaky for me... I don't do well with change. I'm the kind of person who can get emotionally attached to a t-shirt. So when bigger things change... well, you can imagine.

There are some milestones going on over here already.

What am I talking about?

Oh, nothing... only the fact that my baby sister is a GENIUS!

She's sitting up already! She's 3 months old. O_o

We couldn't believe it! My sister is a freak of nature. :P

She's not sitting up all the time or anything, but if you sit her up, she can sit there for quite a while. :D

I don't think we have anything extra-special planned for New Year's Eve... just the usual staying-up-till-midnight-banging-pots-and-pans-drinking-apple-cider thing. :D It's still gonna be great!

You so cute!

Awww, why hewwo dere, wittle bwog viewers! Aren't you da cutest ting I ever seen?! Wook at you! You so cute! Yes you are! Oooh, *gasp* is dat a smile?! Did I make you smile? Wook at dat smile, it's so cute! Ooh, I'ma try it again. BOO! Nothing? BOO! How bout now? I'ma gonna gitchu... you better run, shnookums! I just love you, yes I do!

At this point you may be thinking one of three things:

1. Where is she going with this?
2. Somebody escaped from the madhouse...
3. Why is she talking to me in babyspeak?

If you were thinking 3, you were on the right track! (Ok, 2 might be pretty close, too...)

It's hit me a few different times when yammering on to Kianna in the same weird babble as the above that people sound absolutely insane when talking to babies. We've all gotten used to it, because everyone talks to babies the same way; but next time you catch yourself or somebody else talking to a baby, try paying attention to how funny they look. It's hilarious!

What's even more hilarious is how it must look to babies. Here they are, new to the world and unsure of how it works, and there are these weird, freakish giants who like to hover over their faces and speak jibberish. Everywhere they go, complete strangers come up to them with their faces pulled back into the toothiest grin they could muster, poke their bellies, pinch their cheeks, tickle their feet...

Imagine if we never outgrew that. O_o What if in one generation all parents and adults spoke to babies/toddlers in babyspeak and never stopped? Then those babies and toddlers grew up babbling in baby gibberish. Then once they were grown and had their own kids, they naturally spoke to them in the same gibberish they grew up on. Then, we'd have adults who talk like this:

At work: "You a good wittle worker, yes you are! You so pwoductive, I'ma give you a raise!"

In relationships: "Aww, you so pwetty! I wuv you, darlin! You wanna marry me? You do?! Yaaaay!"

When they pull you over: "Hewwo, wittle guy... I saw your wittle car go VROOOM! Looks like you need a speeding ticket! Here woo go!"

People are saying that "Text speak" is slowly killing the English language. Although I really can't stand people shortening words/not using correct grammar and punctuation, I'm thinking it could always be worse. We could always talk to each other the way we talk to babies. O_O