Conspiracy Theory: Whale Fountains

We've all seen them.

They are built in parks and public squares everywhere. Children frolic in them and we gather around them. But how much do we know about the dark secret that's tucked underneath the surface?

The answer is nothing.
UNTIL NOW.

What I am about to reveal to you will both shock and terrify you. There's really no easy way to say it, so I'll just blurt it out there.

These suspected "water fountains" are really whales trapped underground.

Now listen. I can hear you groaning at your computer screens. Maybe a couple of you laughed. But we mock what we don't understand.

It's a familiar picture to us all: Shaggy-haired college kids campaigning to "Save the Whales." But they aren't really saving the whales. They're in cahoots with the government. 

You see, if the government could somehow make us believe that the whales are dying off and need saving, then they'll be able to pull at our heart strings. This will cause us to want to "help the cause," and BAM! More funding.

The only thing is that they needed to weed out some of the whale population to make it look authentic. They needed to think of something to do with all those whales.

After putting their thinking caps on, they came to this conclusion: "Why kill them off," they reasoned, "If we can use them?"

So soon enough, these self-timing ground fountains started cropping up in public places.
They dug up trenches to build underground tanks. Of course this took some of their funds, so the money acquired to "Save the Whales" ironically played a part in their entrapment. The whales, distressed from the lack of elbow room (if you can argue that whales have elbows), spout water from their blowholes. That water is what makes up the fountains.

Whales are smart creatures. They decided to get creative in getting people's attention, so they began using a sequence of morse code to catch our eye. "S-O-S," "Help," and "We're trapped," are a few of the messages they've attempted. But we humans don't notice and believe that the fountains are on some sort of timer.

So now you know. And knowledge is power. And with great power comes great responsibility. So
SAVE THE WHALES!

That is all.
And no. I am not crazy. At least... that's what the voices tell me...