Conspiracy Theory: Whale Fountains

We've all seen them.

They are built in parks and public squares everywhere. Children frolic in them and we gather around them. But how much do we know about the dark secret that's tucked underneath the surface?

The answer is nothing.
UNTIL NOW.

What I am about to reveal to you will both shock and terrify you. There's really no easy way to say it, so I'll just blurt it out there.

These suspected "water fountains" are really whales trapped underground.

Now listen. I can hear you groaning at your computer screens. Maybe a couple of you laughed. But we mock what we don't understand.

It's a familiar picture to us all: Shaggy-haired college kids campaigning to "Save the Whales." But they aren't really saving the whales. They're in cahoots with the government. 

You see, if the government could somehow make us believe that the whales are dying off and need saving, then they'll be able to pull at our heart strings. This will cause us to want to "help the cause," and BAM! More funding.

The only thing is that they needed to weed out some of the whale population to make it look authentic. They needed to think of something to do with all those whales.

After putting their thinking caps on, they came to this conclusion: "Why kill them off," they reasoned, "If we can use them?"

So soon enough, these self-timing ground fountains started cropping up in public places.
They dug up trenches to build underground tanks. Of course this took some of their funds, so the money acquired to "Save the Whales" ironically played a part in their entrapment. The whales, distressed from the lack of elbow room (if you can argue that whales have elbows), spout water from their blowholes. That water is what makes up the fountains.

Whales are smart creatures. They decided to get creative in getting people's attention, so they began using a sequence of morse code to catch our eye. "S-O-S," "Help," and "We're trapped," are a few of the messages they've attempted. But we humans don't notice and believe that the fountains are on some sort of timer.

So now you know. And knowledge is power. And with great power comes great responsibility. So
SAVE THE WHALES!

That is all.
And no. I am not crazy. At least... that's what the voices tell me...

Still here!

It's ok, you don't have to tell me, I already know. I can practically see you there, sleeping at your computers and comforting yourselves in the fetal position as you await my return. But don't worry, you needn't wait any longer.

Just kidding. ;D

I mean... about the fetal position thing. I'm not kidding about writing a new post (considering the fact that you're looking at it).

Anywho... I feel like I haven't written in forever. This is partly because I wasn't sure what to do a post on, and also because I've been reaaaaalllly busy.

So with that, I shall inform you on my whereabouts.

On Thursday, some sleep-deprived friends and I went to worldview class and got hopped up on sugar, then went to the midnight premiere of the AVENGERS!!!

For one thing, I've never been to a midnight showing of a movie. I think I chose the right one to have as my first. Oh. My. Gosh. It was so cool! Thor was like BOOM! And Hawkeye was like WHOOSH! And the Hulk was like RAWR! It was worth getting only 4 hours of sleep.

I've also been doing a lot of work raising money for Steps For Life.

Haven't heard of it? I shall inform you.

Steps For Life is an annual walkathon/fundraiser for the Pregnancy Resource Center. They're a nonprofit, pro-life organization that provides free counseling, ultrasounds and other resources for women with unplanned pregnancies. A lot of the teens from my church put together a youth team for the walk every year and raise money. Last year, by hard work, people's generosity, and the grace of God, we were able to raise over $10,000.

 So anyway... we've been plotting and planning and asking neighbors and selling our stuff. After going to see the Avengers, we all woke up at 7 AM to get ready for our garage sale. Needless to say, we were all tired. And not in our right minds.

There were kittens for sale, too!

^That one is the namesake of my insanity, "Weebattazu."

After the Garage Sale on Friday, they took me and my friend Foster out to the Spaghetti Factory to celebrate our birthdays. The waitress had the whole room singing Happy Birthday to "Forest" and "Kayla." (Yay for slightly uncommon names!)

It was an epically amazing weekend, I had a great time, and we raised $1,200! So that's what I've been up to.

This week's going to be a little less exciting. Grocery shopping and homework beckon me, and I fear I shan't be able to hold off their cries much longer.

But for anyone who's interested, I'm still trying to raise money for Steps For Life and need sponsors. If you want to donate, please please please click HERE. :D

With that, how's everyone's week so far?

Finding my marbles...

While I'm still in my loopy, slightly marble-less stupor, I figured I'd endeavor to inform you all about my amazing adventure to WINCO!

Please, please contain your excitement. ;)

Today was a whirlwind of weirdness, but it started out relatively normal. I woke up, went to the stable, goofed off with Anna, groomed some horses...

Then later the sadness hit. I don't know where it came from, really... I'm retiring from the stable in a few weeks, and I guess in a way it's just sort of hard for me. Not really because I find sweeping hallways and brushing horses all that captivating, but because I've been doing it for nearly 4 years. I can almost melodramatically see the ghosts of our younger, more naive selves in the hallways.

That brought me to the realization of "so the next phase of my life is starting up. Crap. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!?!?" Then I was filled with extreme dread and disorientation.

That's how I was when I got home. And from there I sat at the computer while inhaling and exhaling the fumes of my self-pity. Then my sisters decided to throw some battery acid on the open wound by EATING MY CHINESE LEFTOVERS. Then my mom asked me if I wanted to come along with them to Winco. I sort of kind of more or less hate Winco. It's normally always crowded, and the people there are really unfriendly. I said yes anyway, though, because I needed to go to Kinko's to get some copies, anyway.

So along we drove, my self-pity fogging the windows.

Pretty soon, somewhere along the line... something happened. Something inside my brain just sort of snapped. I think it was sometime after I starting giggling uncontrollably after I realized that "We Bought A Zoo" sounds like you're just saying "Weebattazu" in some random unknown language. (Seriously. Try it.)

From there I found myself in hysterics over just about everything.

The people in the Subway window who my sisters and I named "Alfredo" and "Papa Jehoshaphat."

Joking that if they made another Hunger Games, they should make the arena look like a giant Winco (the perfect form of torture, aside from Whole Foods; but that's another story).

The lady who had shoes that looked like pumps and flip-flops ("Flumps," respectively).

Joking that you can probably buy anything at Winco in bulk (need toothpaste? Need pants? Need flip flops? BUY THEM IN BULK! Ok, not really...)

The snail statue that looked like it had a horse face (A "Snorse," respectively).

We found a dragon fruit.

Doesn't it look like a cross between a beet and an artichoke? (A "Beetichoke," as I deemed it).

The "Ask the Unicorn" button. (Infinity times better than a magic 8 ball!)

I think everyone in the store thought I was insane. I think I thought I was insane. But at least I had fun. Right? Right?

Oh... serial killers have fun too and it doesn't mean they're sane? You have a point.

Buuuut, I think falling over in hysterics is an infinitely better form of crazy, if you ask me. ;D

I then decided to go all OCD on the people of Winco and straighten out all the cereal boxes for the heck of it. Hopefully they'll appreciate it. :P

It finally began to fade away once we got to the parking lot. I still feel the smallest wisp of crazy in my veins; but I think it's mostly been unleashed on the poor, unsuspecting shoppers who were just passing through for some onions.

It was nice, though... just goofing off aimlessly, letting go of all the things that have been stressing me out. :)

We never did go to Kinko's, though.

All pictures found on Pinterest.