How To Become a Typical Teenager

Hello, there.

Are you a preteen, plunging into the wonderful world of young adulthood?

Are you a teenager struggling with your own typicality?

Then this instructional blog post is for you!

We want to make sure that you’re on the road to becoming the dramatic, lazy, messy, boy-crazy, video-game-playing, angst-ridden, rebellious teenager we know you can be! Now buckle your seat belts, because we’ll be racing you to the finish line on becoming the most mediocre young adult you can be!

Step 1: Conformity

Before we can teach you how to become the typical teenager, we need to teach you to follow MAP.

Say, what’s MAP?

Haha, No. Not that map.

MAP is an acronym that stands for

Media

Authority

and

Peers

If you follow MAP, you never need to think for yourself again! Let MAP guide you on how to think, act, and dress. As long as it’s legal and everyone else is doing it, you’re doing A-OKAY.

If you follow MAP, you’ll be seeing the Exit sign to Normsville in NO TIME!

Step 2: Expectations

Now that you know how to follow MAP, you might be shocked to discover that most adults follow MAP, as well.

The media sets the tone for how we’re supposed to act. If their version of the “Typical Teenager” is mediocrity, then by golly, we should all accept it! Since adults have made it the norm, then you should never surpass their expectations. No one likes a goody goody! Meet society’s expectations or stay below them, but don’t cross that line! You just might find yourself...

SHUNNED.

The next 3 steps will show you how to perfectly grace society’s expectations.

Step 3: It’s All About You

Nobody expects you to think otherwise! Let this be your excuse to sit on your butt for hours on end, doing absolutely nothing! You’re at the center of the universe, and everybody is around to please you. When you encounter any opportunity, make sure to ask yourself this simple little phrase: “What’s in it for me?”

Remember that phrase?

Swell! You’re one step closer to your goal!

Step 4: Emotions

Right now, your body is bursting with all kinds of hormones. These hormones make you more prone to breakouts.

Emotional breakouts, that is.

This is perfectly normal, so make sure to be a volcano of explosive emotions. Is your annoying brother touching your stuff? Yell at him! Are your parents totally ruining your life? Yell at them! Is Bobby totally cheating on Susan in that drama you like to watch? Yell at him!

When you’re letting your emotions get the best of you, attitude is the frosting on the proverbial cupcake of angst. “Whatever,” “Puh-lease” and the famous sighing/eyeroll combination are key. And make sure to slam those doors!

Step 5: The Opposite Sex

Are you single? Then you better look at that MAP again!

The media says that your teenage life should be absorbed by thoughts of the opposite sex. Let yourself fall into a metaphorical pool, if you will, of your own fancies. If you don’t at least have a crush on anyone, you suck at life.

But don’t worry! Finding a boyfriend/girlfriend is easy! All you need to do is find somebody attractive and flirt with them. If they respond positively to the flirting, ask them on a date. Then another, then another.

Have you survived a few dates?

Then congratulations! You are now officially in a relationship!

Remember the phrase from Step 3? Now’s the perfect time to use it! What is this person doing for you? Are they meeting all of your expectations? Are they making you happy? If not, then say goodbye and find someone else who does. Repeat.

Step 6: Rebellion

Are you ready for the final step? Good!

Being rebellious is just a display of what we’ve already gone through. You’ve learned to be selfish, lazy, and dramatic, so now it’s the perfect time to learn how to put them into overdrive with rebellion.

Society expects rebellion at some point in your teenage life, so do something outrageous! Get tattoos and piercings, date someone your parents hate, dye your hair pink and/or wear revealing clothing. You’re practically an ADULT now. You can do as you please, and no one can tell you what to do!

Have you completed this step?

Then CONGRATULATIONS!

You've arrived at our finish line and have become a truly average individual!

.........................................................

I feel like God was totally leading me to post this, not only for others to read it, but for myself as well. I found myself wincing a few times, thinking, "Shoot! I do a lot of these things..."

And of course, we're still human. Sometimes everyone gives into mood swings, laziness and selfishness. At the same time, though, we're being told there's nothing wrong with it. America doesn't expect enough from us. This has become the norm, and teenagers are becoming more and more "typical."

Do you want to be a "Typical Teenager"? If so, follow all the steps listed above.

If not, then I highly recommend "Do Hard Things" by Brett and Alex Harris. Go ahead and visit their website, too, and join the "rebelution"! ;)

"Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity." ~1 Timothy 4:12

Photo Cred:

50's dude James Dean Yelling kid Sad vintage girl Shunned Girl I'm the MAP! Confused boy Cheesy thumbs up guy Cartoon thumbs up boy

Hi, my name is Kaylee, and I'm addicted to the computer.

("HI, KAYLEE!")

So I mentioned here that I have a bit of a problem managing my time. Well, it was this ill-usage of time that made me fall behind on my chores, and made my parents do something about it. :P

Yes. I, Kaylee, one of partially-sound mind and the perfect example of poise and perfection (Ok, I lied a little... ;), have been grounded.

And while I'm kind of bummed that I will not only be missing out on the internet world, but the TV, too... I'm also sort of cool with it. I'm hoping that this week will be really productive, that I can catch up on my chores, and maybe get some more reading done (for fun! As opposed to just reading school books, which has been sucking up all my reading time.) :)

As far as blogging, my mom's allowing me to post my Valentine's Day post this coming Tuesday, but some of the other upcoming posts I've mentioned for this week will be postponed until next week.

Everybody have a great 7 days, and hopefully, if I'm not laughing maniacally and cradling myself in a fetal position, I shall be back to tell you all about my screen-free week, Memory Monday, and B.E.A.T Stables. :)

Photo Cred:

Support group

Prisoner

My week, in a nutshell.

Hello world, and all who inhabit it!

So far, this has been one of those hectic weeks where you don't have a point in your day to stop and gasp for air. :P It's also been a pretty fun week, and since I've finally won some free time, I can take a quick breather and fill you in. (If you're interested in my day-to-day existence...)

Monday was pure awesomeness! My sister, Karissa, and I went to some friends' house to hang out. We wound up making doughnuts and my friend Josh made some *amazing* french fries (They're like the McDonald's fries, but better!) for lunch, along with hot dogs. Then we played on their "Whirly-Gig."

Yup, it's pretty awesome. XD

Then we got a gun and shot at a house.

(Don't worry... it was a gingerbread house... ;)

It was the first time I've ever shot a gun! (Scratch that off my imaginary bucket list...)

I actually shot the house a couple times (as opposed to the wood pile behind it), but it didn't do too much damage.

By the time everyone was finished, though, the once happy gingerbread house lay in ruins, left as nothing more but food for the chickens.

Maybe I shouldn't be so proud of myself... Those poor, unsuspecting gingerbread people!

Anyway... moving on to Tuesday. Yes, Tuesday. The day where it took roughly, from start to finish, 6-8 hours to clean my bedroom. That's what I did. All. Day. It was a tough battle, but I came out of it alive and at least partly sane... *twitchtwitch*

Wednesday is my volunteer day at B.E.A.T Stables. (By the way, a new blog post about B.E.A.T Stables is coming out next week!) We swept hallways mostly this week, because one of our employers was out with back problems. :( We made sweeping fun, though, because we chatted the whole time. : )

Thursday I went to help my Grandpa at the Legion Hall where they play bingo. He said they needed more people to help out. If I didn't go, I'd probably just sit around and stare at the wall (as we home schoolers tend to do... Just kidding. ;)

... So I came, I saw, I met a nice old lady, I served popcorn, and I won $25 playing bingo when they didn't need my help. :) It was a good night.

Friday's really not worth my time or yours writing down. :P It was pretty slow. It was busy in the sense that I actually got some school done, but you might not want to hear the specifics of Algebra, Psychology, or Winston Churchill (although he's a really cool guy!)

And that brings us to today (Saturday, if anyone's wondering... ;) There was a horse show today at the stable, so Anna and I came out to help, and to give some moral support for a friend who was in the show (She won first place!!!) :) We manned the snack table and watched sadly as all the doughnuts disappeared. :P Well... all the doughnuts except for a jelly doughnut with a chunk sliced off of it. o_o

Speaking of which... Jelly doughnuts: What are your thoughts? Gross? Amazing? Meh?.......

I don't like them. :P

(Hm... I'm beginning to wonder how big this nutshell is that I'm trying to stuff my week into... ;)

As far as other random tidbits for the week... I'm really excited because I just signed up for a Summit conference in Colorado! (Never heard of Summit Ministries? Click here.) I've only been to one other state before in my life, and if we drive to the conference, I'll be to about... 4? (I think...? haha)

If we wind up flying there, it would be my first time flying in an airplane! (Yet another thing to scratch off my nonexistent bucket list.)

Also, Valentine's Day is next week. :) Can we say love songs, romantic comedies and CHOCOLATE?!

Here's a little song to get you in the Valentine's Day spirit.

Not only do I love this song, but the music video's pretty cool. :)

Have a great weekend, everyone!!!

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not...

Valentine's day is quickly approaching, and I'm loving the theme of Lucia Etc.'s photo contest: "Black and White Love." :) Here's my entry:

If you want to join the contest or check out Lucia's blog, click here!

Balance Beams

(For my good friend, Anna P. :)

Life is full of extremes. Sometimes, extremes are a good thing (like if you're extremely talented or extremely happy), other times it's not-so-good.

But even more often, most things in life are a balancing act, like a gymnast on a balance beam. You don't want to fall on one side or the other. The trick is to keep balance and stay in the middle. If you fall on either side, you could get hurt, hurt others, or just plain bruise your pride and embarrass yourself.

Examples? Here you go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Being too opionionated:

"Hey, do you like this new dress I bought?"

"I don't know, maybe if you washed out the stain from when the 70's threw up on it."

VS.

Having no opinion:

"I absolutely loved the Hannah Montana movie! It was probably the best movie I've ever seen! What do you think?

".........I..... Agree! It was amazing. It had me in tears!"

I know people who belong to both parties, here. Some people are total advocates of letting every thought that pops into their head be spewed out for the world to hear. They want to be painfully, brutally honest.

But honestly, unless you want people to be afraid to ask for your opinion, there has to be some thought put into how you voice those opinions. There should be a little imaginary filter in your brain that strains out the rude/tactless thoughts that pop into your head before they become audible. USE IT.

...And then there are people whose filter has been thrown into overdrive, and in order to avoid any sort of conflict whatsoever, just wind up agreeing with everything everyone says. I fall into this neighborhood moreso than the other one. :P I used to be the queen of agreeing with other people! I've gotten a little better with voicing my own opinions now. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Being apathetic:

"Your grandma died? Dude, that sucks. I'm so glad my grandma's still alive. Hey... wanna go to the movies?"

VS.

Being too sympathetic:

"Your goldfish died? Oh, tragedy! Oh, loss! Oh, grief-stricken and woeful am I to hear such a travesty! That we are left barren and empty as the the angels receive the irreplaceable jewel once known as Johnny the Goldfish! 'Tis a sorrow too heavy for my weak heart to endure."

Ok... the two examples are a little exaggerated (can you tell I had fun with them?)

I don't know anyone who's that heartless or that... ridiculous. But you get the picture. I think sometimes people really are sympathetic, but they just don't know how to show it. So they either sort of pretend like nothing happened, or go a little overboard. I'm still trying to find a balance here, because this one almost depends on the person who's upset. Sometimes people find it comforting to talk about what they're having trouble with, other times they don't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Being *too* friendly:

"Hiiiii! Hey, what's your name? Awesome! That's great. Do you have a Facebook? Do you Tweet? What's your Twitter? Do you live around here? Good, so do I. Can I come over? We can be BESTIES! Whats your favorite color? What's your favorite shoe size? What's your social security number?"

VS.

Being unfriendly:

*annoyed stare* "........................................................................."

Sometimes in life, we find ourselves in awkward conversations with people we really don't want to talk to. The best we can do is smile and listen to what they have to say, and try to contribute to the conversation so it isn't one-sided. We have to try not to sound creepy and overly-talkative, while still trying to add to the conversation. It's a science.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Working too hard:

"Sorry I can't go to your wedding, son, but those cars aren't gonna sell themselves!"

VS.

Playing too hard:

"Dude... I just totally blew off work today because Scooter totally filled his Slip N Slide with chocolate pudding. It was... AWESOME."

Hehe, ok, that would make it temping to skip work... :P

But anyway... yeah. You want to put your best into your responsibilities without making them the #1 priority in life, and you want to have fun without drifting through life with no drive or foresight. It's an art that we all need to learn to some extent. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eating a ton of junk food:

"Yeah, I'll have 2 Big Macs, 3 ice cream cones, an extra large order of fries, twenty nuggets, three cookies, and a milk shake."

"Will that be all?"

"No, just a sec...

Ok guys, what're you ordering?"

VS.

Never eating junk food at all:

"Hey, do you want some chocolate cake for dessert?"

"Nah, I'm good... I had a blueberry."

Ok, if you have dietary restrictions and can't help it, you're off the hook.

But then there are those sad, sad people who never treat themselves to any junk food at all. It's so tragic! I mean, don't go all gung-ho on junk food and give yourself a heart attack, but every once and a while a twinkie isn't going to kill you. ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Also, like learning tricks on a balance beam, there are some things you're able to master and maintain your balance on much easier than others. But they're all worth the practice, right? :)

Photo cred:

Amazing gymnast picture

Memory Monday: Chinese Poison

This story shares the same properties of most medical conditions: It’s embarrassing, but it needs to be told. (Mostly for my love of dramatizing the heck out of my pathetic, embarrassing endeavors. ;)

First off, I’m not really what you’d call a pessimist. I’m normally somewhat optimistic with bouts of short-lived pessimism. I guess you could say that I’m like Oregon: I could be sunny one moment and rainy the next. I also tend to jump to conclusions.

So with that knowledge, we can move on to the story where I was almost poisoned by Chinese people (or something like that...)

When I was 13, my sister, Karissa, started taking up art lessons.The studio was located in a little shopping center with several stores, delis and random surrounding businesses. It became something we’d all look forward to: Karissa would have her fill of acrylics and canvases, we’d all walk around for a while and look at the other stores, and if we didn’t wait at the deli during the lesson, we’d stop there afterwards and have lunch.

The deli was right next to the studio, and was owned by one of the nicest Asian couples ever. They were always very cheerful and welcoming, had really good food, and a great collection of fashion magazines I read through while we waited for Karissa. I don’t remember us talking to the owners a *ton*, but I remember my mom and the owner’s wife chatting and enjoying each other’s company on a few occasions.

It was one week in particular that I might have, more or less, distorted this sweet little picture into some sort of psychotic tale from a poorly-directed "Lifetime" movie.

It was your typical day in April, right before Easter. We had our typical art class day, and while we waited for her, we made our typical stop at the deli. Mom visited with the deli lady again (I don’t think we ever got her name...), and we sat and ate our sandwiches. By the time we were ready to leave, “Nice Asian Deli Lady” offered us some Easter candy from a basket. We eagerly obliged her by taking some (I mean... we didn’t want to be *rude*...). We thanked her, then we went happily on our way to pick up Karissa.

Before we left the parking lot, we all just sort of sat in our car. I handed Karissa her piece of candy, and went to open mine.

I remember the wrapper looked a little unusual, almost somewhat peeled open... but I didn’t really say anything. I opened it up and popped my bite-sized peanut butter cup into my mouth. But something was still amiss.

“Hm...” I said out loud, “This tastes kind of funny...”

“Maybe they poisoned it!” Karissa teased.

I laughed it off, but there was something about the suggestion that hung humid in the damp caves of my mind. You know... that part of your brain where all the dark, haunting things remain?

I brushed it off and ate more candy.

It wasn’t until later that something felt... off. Something wasn’t right. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I just felt kind of... weird...

Then I started to get a headache.

It was at that point that my previously ridiculous thought I had earlier clawed its way out of the dark caves of my mind and started to gnaw at my logic. The words echoed in my head once more... “Maybe they poisoned it!”

Maybe... they poisoned it...

...Poisoned...

Oh my gosh. I’ve been poisoned!

See, at this point my logic had only been slightly injured by its attacker, so I still didn’t want to look like an idiot in worrying about it too much. So I started out calm. “Hey mom... I know this might sound dumb... but do you think there was something... *wrong*... with the candy I ate at the deli? I feel kind of weird.”

She assured me that everything was fine, and she didn’t think it was anything to be worried about.

I waited a little bit, then I asked her again, just to make sure.

The battle between my logic and worry raged on, and it wasn’t looking pretty. At this point, logic had lost its limbs, and was inching helplessly away from the beast who sought after its life. What if she were wrong? What if her daughter has been poisoned and she’s just letting it go?

So I asked her again. And again. And possibly again after that. She didn’t care! Why wasn’t she worried? Horror stories I was told of deranged psychos messing with kids’ Halloween candy came into play at some point.

Alas, worry had completely ingested logic, leaving behind nothing but a few sad, useless remains.

It was at that point I was a blubbering pile of worry, crying on the bathroom floor and awaiting my impending death that was to come at any moment. I was so young... oh, woe was my judgement that led me to eat that tainted candy!

My mom finally found me and was able to console me, and I began to feel a little better about the whole situation.

I finally calmed down and called it a night, slipping into my nice, warm covers and watching a movie.

...Only to be awakened by a fever and the chills.

Yeah. Wanna know the real reason I felt weird? It wasn’t because I was poisoned by sweet, Asian deli owners.

I had the flu.

So... next time you see me worrying about something that sounds completely ridiculous, just slap me. Hold nothing back. I’ll probably thank you later.

Photo Cred:

Skull

Piggy

Happy!

I did a post last week about some things that annoy me. Here's the slightly-more-optimistic follow-up. :)

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY! ...In no particular order. :)

(This may be harder to write than last week's post, because I was fueled by frustration... plus... there are soooo many things that make me happy!)

The sun. It's like all the happiness condensed into a big ball of firey BLISS! When the sun's not out, it just makes my life that much less happy.

Babies. Come on. I dare you to look at a baby and not smile.

Hippos. And please. Don't tell me how ferocious hippos really are... they're cute, and I actually get giddy when we see them at the zoo. XD

Playgrounds that are big enough for me to play on. We went to a playground a couple summers ago like this, and I think I was more excited than my little sisters. I was practically squealing with excitement until we had to leave. I've been dying to go back ever since.

Ukeleles. Music in general makes me happy... but have you ever heard a sad song with a ukelele?

Making people laugh. Making you happy makes me happy. :D

Those times where you're in the car, you look out the window, and just thank God for how *beautiful* everything is. Yeah, this one's pretty specific, but it actually happens to me fairly often. Especially when the sun is out. :)

Jesus. "...And if the devil doesn't like it he can sit on a tack." :P

The satisfaction of actually getting something accomplished. Lately, I wish I could feel this one more often. :P haha

Dancing. Yes, I've confessed to not being able to dance. :P I suck at most dancing, but I'm good at Regency/Civil War era dancing (where you're mostly skipping around and twirling). It's really, really fun. :) Plus... if something makes me really happy, I do indulge in the occasional "happy dance."

Friends and family. You guys are awesome! I don't know where I'd be without you. You've all made me smile and laugh more than anyone else.

Getting emails/IMs from friends. They definitely brighten my day. :)

Finding out that you got a good grade on a test you thought you'd fail. Phew!

Anything remotely cutesy and romantic (especially if it's what I talk about here). I'm a sucker for romance. It's sweet, and it makes me melt in a puddle of sighs and pathetic girly musings. <3

Going to the mall. We rarely go to the mall. When we do... I sort of look like I've been raised in a barn and have just been taken to the mall as an introduction to modern society. I get all giddy and excited. And the pretzels. Oh, the pretzels!

Going to the beach. If you thought I was bad at the mall... you haven't seen me at the beach.

Finding something that's been lost for a long time. If it's lost long enough, it's like it's brand-new. And who doesn't like finding brand-new items in random places?

Roller Skating. I love roller skating. Nothing more to it. :)

The smell of fresh-cut grass. Pure bliss.

Pringles. Thank you, mustache-wearing Pringles guy, for delivering to us your crispy, MSG-plaited deliciousness.

Doing the things I love doing. Learning Sign Language makes me happy, because I'm finally learning something that I've always been interested in. Playing the piano makes me happy, because it's epically FUN! Writing in this blog makes me happy, because I've finally found an outlet for my impulsive urge to write something.

So thanks for reading this! I'm hoping that at this point your joy is busting at the seams, and you're ready to explode into a swarm of butterflies or tapdance with a chimpanzee.

But if not, here's some inspiration. (Keep in mind the ukelele!)