The One About Courtship.

I'd like to introduce you to Mark.

Question Mark, that is.

He's my husband.

Chances are, you haven't met him yet.

That's probably because I haven't exactly met him, either. He also has no clue who I am.

See, as of right now Mr. Question Mark is off minding his own business, learning important life lessons, and preparing to meet me, the future Mrs. Question Mark.

Sometimes when I'm lost in breezy, girly daydreams of walking down the aisle, I try to imagine who might be waiting for me on the other side. This is a little tough, because as of right now, I don't know who he is. There may be times where I try to pin a face on the guy who'd be standing there at the end of that aisle, but at the end of the day I still don't know. So as of right now, there's a big question mark where his head should be. He's like one of those little facebook icons where it's just a big cutout of a guy's silhouette.

Dang, isn't he handsome???

There are some things I know about him already.

• He'll have a face.
• He won't be a turtle.
• He's going to have a good relationship with Jesus.
• He'll have the same convictions as I do (at least the important ones!)
• He's going to make me laugh. A lot. :)
• He'll be a gentleman.
• He isn't the kind of guy who wears crocs. :P
• He's going to be my best friend.
• He's going to be AWESOME (I mean, naturally... if he's in love with me, right? ...Kidding!;)

I don't know what he looks like, I don't know what he sounds like, or what his personality is like. I just know that God is going to pair us together at the right time, and the guy of my dreams will finally get a name and a face. He won't be Mr. Question Mark anymore; He'll be Mr. GuythatImarried... or... something like that.

Some people might think that's weird. But the way I see it is like this: God's not going to go, "Hey. I've helped you find your car keys before, but a husband? Sorry kid, that's just too hard." God wants us to trust Him with every part of our lives, so our love lives can't be any different. :)

The question is-- how would I go about finding the guy God has for me? I could start the search now, and date guy after guy until I finally find him. Then one day I can take him by the hand, look him in the eye, and say, "Oh, Q.M! I'm so glad I've finally found you! Several guys and years of emotional baggage later, and here you are!"

Then he'll be like, "Gee, thanks, honey?"

This is why I like the concept of Courtship better.

I've been thinking about doing a post on this for a while, since I mentioned that I prefer courtship over dating in my "About Me" section. I could just see how weird it might sound to someone who's never heard about it before. "'Courtship'? What era is she from?"

But basically, courtship is dating with a purpose. (Heck yes, that sounds cheesy)

Dating sometimes makes it hard for people to know each other's intentions in entering a relationship. Some people date "just for fun." Other people want to find the person they're going to marry. Sometimes two people enter a relationship for the fun of it, but then one person develops deeper feelings and the other one doesn't, so hearts get broken.

Pretty much all courtships end in marriage.

So for that reason, you don't really court until you're ready for marriage. :P

In courtship, you develop a friendship with your person of interest before you develop a romantic relationship. Whether you agree more with dating or courtship, I think this is something you should do no matter what. So many times, people get romantically involved without even knowing the person that well as a friend. Courtship allows you to do this a little moreso than dating, in my opinion. You need to know how good of a friend they are waaaaay before you know how good of a kisser they are.

The couple's families are more involved in courtship than they are in dating. You know how when you're dating someone, you know it's serious when he wants you to meet his parents? Courtship isn't like that. The boy asks the girl's dad's permission, and the dad makes sure to talk to the daughter about it. If the girl accepts, the two families get together a lot and get to know each other. When you marry someone, you're also marrying into their family, so it's good to get to know them before things get serious. Also, like I mentioned here, If things work out between the two of you and you get married, the way he treats his family is how he'll one day treat you and your kids.

Those are the two biggest differences.

Now, here are some common misconceptions (I'm sure some of them sound familiar)...

Courtship is NOT:

• Legalistic. You will not be doomed to eternal damnation of you choose to date instead. :P Also, courtship does not have its own rules and regulations. Things like how much physical contact between the couple and how much involvement from their families are totally based on the couple, their families, and their convictions.
• Outdated. Now if courtship meant that your suitor would be coming to your dad with his best donkey and a couple goats as the starting bid, then I'd say, "YES! It's outdated, impractical... and a little demeaning. (Aren't I at least worth a horse and a couple cows? Geesh!)" But really. Since when does old = bad? I think courtship, although it's been around a while, is still a legit way to enter a relationship. :)
• Arranged marriage. Nobody's forcing anyone to get married to anybody! Just because the boy asks the father's permission to court his daughter doesn't mean that the daughter has no say in the matter. It's 100% her choice. It's suggested that the couple go to their parents for guidance, but they're not matchmakers! It's probably good to mention here that your parents aren't breathing down your necks the entire time, either. XP Courtship might be a little more chaperoned than dating is (especially depending on the age and maturity of the couple), but c'mon-- you still have time alone to talk and get to know each other!
• An "out" from getting your heart broken. I think this is a really common misconception from people who agree with courtship. Courtship is not some sort of magical institution that leaves no room for problems. Since you and your "significant other" are on the same page as to what you want out of your relationship, then yes, heartbreak is less likely. But like any kind of relationship, you're still putting your heart on the line. There's no guarantee that it'll turn out the way you want it to. It's a risky move for anyone to make, but a move that's still well worth the risk. ;)

So, in a nutshell (a rather large nutshell, mind you), that's courtship. I hope I've explained everything ok. :) If you have any comments or questions, I'd love to hear them!

Want books? I recommend:

I Kissed Dating Goodbye (Joshua Harris)

Boy Meets Girl (Joshua Harris)

When God Writes Your Love Story (Eric and Lesley Ludy)

(All photos found at Pinterest)