For this one, I have to go back to a very disturbing phase of my life. It rests on the theory of the firstborn homeschooler.
The firstborn homeschool theory: A phenomenon where the firstborn of any homeschooled family takes the longest to develop a sense of style. Once they start to catch on, their siblings tend to follow suit, and crisis is eventually averted.
Of course there are exceptions to this theory, but I definitely was not one of them. Eleven through twelve was my all time low, and unfortunately I just couldn't find any pictures from that period. Oh well.
Things started to get a little better at thirteen, but there was a pivotal moment that will forever stick out in my mind as one of the ugliest things I've ever worn. In my life. Like... ever.
My uncle was getting married. It was a formal event, and I needed a nice dress to wear. At this point, my mom was also going through a phase: the matchy-matchy phase. She told me that I had to find a dress that would at least coordinate with what my sisters were wearing. I really don't know why. I didn't even think much of it at that point, I just went with it.
The dress hunt began a couple weeks before the wedding was supposed to take place. My sisters all had these matching cream-colored dresses that were... well, cute on them because they were younger. Being the oldest, I was also the guinea pig. My mom wasn't ok with certain styles back then that she's totally fine with now.
The time was drawing near, and I was getting dangerously close to the wedding with no luck. After dragging myself from store to store and having dress after dress rejected, I limply fell into an obscure dress store at the mall. There was a dress hanging up that matched my sisters, my mom was cool with it, and it actually fit me. For these reasons I tiredly surrendered and bought the dress.
There was only one problem.
It was hideous.
What you are about to see is very disturbing. If you are faint of heart and/or have a weak stomach, I suggest you look away from your screen.
I'm not really too hard to spot in these pictures. I'm workin' it. My dress looks like Frosty the Snowman and a prom from 1976 had a baby. My Nancy Drew haircut and super white girl dance moves didn't really work in my favor, either.
Although I was extremely awkward and looked like I was cosplaying as an 80 year old woman, it was one of the coolest weddings I've ever been to, and I did have a great time that night. Maybe that's one thing I do miss from my awkward years: I looked awkward, but I didn't feel like it. Now I feel awkward, but I don't look like it (at least not as much). :P
I didn't crawl out of this vortex of terrible clothing choices until I was 14, and then my judgement kept bobbing and weaving as my sense of style developed slowly throughout the years. Now I'd say that I look fairly normal, but there are probably some people who would beg to differ.
Red pants are cool.
