Us People are Ok.

You know what makes me laugh?

Celebrity magazines.

They're just so ridiculous sometimes.

What I find so ridiculous is that a lot of the time, it's not like they're doing anything any more interesting than what's going on in our everyday lives; it's just more interesting to read about them going to the store and walking their dogs because they're famous.

These articles are the ones that make me laugh the most. "Stars: they're just like us!"

But... if they were "just like us," would pictures of them walking out of an outhouse or cleaning out their cars be worth putting in a magazine?

At what point do celebrities stop being popular actors/actresses/artists and start becoming gods? It's sort of funny seeing how people react when meeting a famous person. Some people cry. Like seriously, burst into uncontrollable wailing sobs. Of course, I've never met a celebrity, so I'm not exactly sure how I'd react, but I probably wouldn't cry. I'm sort of awkward with just about anyone I meet, so I'm pretty sure I'd be the way I am when I meet a friend of a friend that I've stalked a few times on Facebook. "Oh, hey... you're Julia Roberts. Wow, it's so nice to finally meet you... I've heard a lot about you. Are you still acting? Oh, wait, duh..."

We put celebrities on a pedestal and treat them as immortal, then we become devastated when they make mistakes. They're human beings! They're going to make mistakes. And sometimes, those mistakes are due to the pressure of being celebrities. Then they get a whole bunch of attention from the press, but it's negative attention. This cycle goes round and round, until we have celebrities who are a total mess, have no real talent, but just walk around being famous.

...And do I read some of these magazines?

Yes. Yes I do.

I'm not totally against everything in celebrity magazines. It's actually frustrating, because they have a lot of good articles, too: Interviews, fashion advice, the occasional inspirational article...

But you have to wade through the lies, gossip, and pointless drama to get to them.

There is one way to sort of minimize the garbage you need to step over in order to get to the good articles.

Let's call it: THE CLUTTER SCALE.

The Clutter Scale helps us to determine just how much gossip and annoying, stalkerish pictures are in celebrity magazines. The theory is that the more gossip there is in a magazine, the more cover stories and pictures will be on the front.

Examples:

Clutter Scale: Mild

There's gossip, but some of it might be avoidable.

Clutter Scale: Moderate

The cover is still fairly organized, but there are definitely more pictures and cover articles. There will be points where you scoff and roll your eyes.

Clutter Scale: Severe

Only read these if you need a good laugh, or if you're genuinely interested in Justin Bieber's favorite socks or what hair gel Robert Pattinson uses.

Clutter Scale: Extreme

Don't touch it. Don't even look at it. Run. Run far, far away.

Now, of course, there are exceptions to just about every rule. The Clutter Scale won't save you every time, but I think it's a good rule of thumb. :) Another good rule of thumb? If there are no good articles and the remaining ones make you feel dumber, don't read them. Just put the magazine down and read a book, or something.

Leap Day, Sore throats and stuff.

In one year, this day wouldn't exist.

No, the Mayans are wrong.

I mean that today is LEAP DAY! :)

Today is the day that only comes around every 4 years!

I want to do something cool today, or start some sort of tradition... but right now I'm looking kind of like this:

Sick, lazy, and home alone.

So... the only things I could start as a tradition would be getting a sore throat, laying around like the pathetic baby I am and feeling sorry for myself.

But in happier news... I got accepted to Summit (I talked about Summit at the end of this post, for those who were wondering...), I now know A-E in Morse Code, and I found the best camomile tea EVER (to give you an idea, I normally don't like tea...)

What else can I say to make you happy? Hm...

I got nothin'.

Ugh. Can you still tell I have a wee bit of writer's block left? Hopefully you still love me. ;)

Happy Leap Day!

Memory Monday: Broccoli Dance

For about 2 1/2 years of my life, my family lived in a really small town. The tiny dance studio where my sister and I took dance lessons for about a year is a place that gives me mixed feelings.

These mixed feelings consist of happy memories from my days of taking Tap/Ballet classes there every week with my friends. I had a lot of fun with my dance buddies (although we didn't keep in touch). : /

Then there were the somewhat-traumatizing memories, like the memories that included green balloons on my head and dancing to the song stylings of Huey, Dewey and Louie.

The owner of the dance studio was a friendly, eccentric middle-aged lady who liked to make her students dance to "silly" songs in their dance recitals. Of course, we needed uniforms to match these silly songs that we danced to. So... what do you suppose we dressed up as when she had us dance to "I've Been Working On My Broccoli," sung by said nasally, annoying cartoon ducks?

Too bad I don't have a picture... I happened to misplace them all. With fire.

It's quite a shame.

But just believe me when I say that the costumes were everything soul-eroding and spirit-crushing. The leafy part of the broccoli was accomplished in our costumes by pinning green balloons on our heads like some sort of game you'd win a giant teddy bear from. The dance itself was cold and mechanical, like a marching army of wind-up toy soldiers.

"But Kaylee," you might be thinking, "You just said that the town was really small. The recital couldn't have been that bad, right?"

Trust me. If it were a cute, intimate gathering of close friends and family, it would only be enough to chuckle uncomfortably about.

But in the inner makings of this woman's mind had to be a dark force that raged in a diabolical spiral that our tiny little 2nd grade minds couldn't yet detect.

No. We didn't just perform in front of friends and family. We performed at a recital. And a parade. And at the county fair. Not only did our families see us. Not only did the entire town see us. But the whole freaking county.

At the time, we didn't think anything too much about it. We were actually excited.

We were like innocent lambs going to slaughter. We walked through the crowded parade, throwing candy and waving, while everyone admired the "cute, little grapes."

Occasionally my friend Grace would indignantly correct them. "Hey! We're BROCCOLI!"

Onstage at the fair, we nervously executed our dance moves with empty precision and forced permagrins. I'd hate to have been in the audience to witness that kind of torture.

I left that day feeling pretty good about myself. I had danced in front of a whole bunch of people (Oh, Lord...), then I got to play games at the fair. Years later my family won't let me live it down, and the image of that broccoli costume shall be forever ingrained in my disturbed mind.

...And to this day, I can't dance and I hate broccoli. I often wonder if that had anything to do with it...

So... airplane food.

...What's up with that? Amiright?

This week, I've suffered from a total writer's block (hence the fewer posts and penguin randomness). I figured I may as well just try and push through it by writing something. So... here I am. What do you want me to say? Oh yeah... that's my decision. Crud.

Ok... I'm thinking. What about... purses? No.

Purple Pillows? No.

Paper cranes? Nah.

I'm just naming off things I see in my room. :P

It seems like this week my mind has taken an indefinite vacation. I really don't know where it's wandered off to. It doesn't write, it doesn't call...

My chores and my homework are like, "Kaylee... we need you. Please don't neglect us like this!"

But then the computer's like, "Hey, I'm way more interesting. You can learn from me, too -- Here's a tutorial on making paper cranes!"

My empty head is more attracted to the shininess of the laptop, so it's a losing battle.

My brain is in a total haze lately. I really can't think straight on anything. I think it's just all the things going on in my life right now. You know... we ran out of snacks, and nobody will learn morse code with me... life is tough.

Hehe, ok, it's not that trivial (although I think it would be really cool to learn morse code with someone so we could talk to each other without people knowing; or I could just be normal and get a cellphone...) I do know that my little pity party has lasted way too long. I need to do something like this:

She doesn't look like she has writer's block.

It's also funny how we can sometimes get so distracted with our problems that we sort of shy away from God a little. That's when we need Him the most! I need to suck it up, read my Bible, remember that God has everything under control, and be happy, darn it! ;)

In other news... I want cookies.

Conspiracy Theory: What if penguins took over the world?

Sit down and think about it for a moment. While some people are awaiting the overthrow of the human race by zombies, robots or aliens, they'd never expect this:

We could continue gawking at them with wide, admiring eyes at the zoo, without knowing that we are admiring our downfall. Their cuteness is the penguins' way to mask their master plan of world domination. They're cute and they know it. They've also been boxed into zoos long enough to know that cuteness is human's weakness.

Then... while we're distracted by their adorableness, their little penguin brains continue to ruminate. And plot. And scheme.

Really... they probably don't need too much of a tactic. All they need to do is learn English, and we're putty in their little flippers (wings..?).

"Excuse me, sir... can we take control of all your earthly values and keep you as our slave for life, mercilessly starving you and beating you to submission?"

"Awwww, talking penguins! Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen? Well, if that's what you want... say, how do you put these shackles on? They're a bit tricky..."

When you think about it, the reality could be quite horrifying. If we became victims of some sort of alien, zombie, or robot holocaust, then at least we'd know we're in immanent danger and try to retaliate. If the world were taken over by penguins, we wouldn't even know we were being oppressed. We'd be too distracted by their cuteness to even notice! We'd be smiling as they flog us and snickering as they set our houses on fire!

...And that's just if they were ordinary penguins. Imagine the kind of destruction they could inflict on us if they wore little blue socks?

The effects would be disastrous.

It doesn't have to be like this. Fellow humans, we need to unite as one force against the penguins. Our awareness of this current threat SHALL NOT BE IGNORED!

Don't worry... I already notified the president.

I think I need more sleep.

My "sort of" screen-free week

Well, I almost survived a full week without TV... and I kind of caved on the computer. :P There was a wee bit of a misunderstanding between my sisters and I... and... well... yeah. But here's what happened this week!

Let's just say it wasn't my favorite week. I found myself grumpy throughout most of it, mainly because last week was the fateful week that the world met up with the basic laws of physics and conspired against me. I've found myself thoroughly beaten by gravity and inanimate objects.

Monday was the day when it all started. I was inspired. I was determined to make this week totally, astoundingly productive and creative.

I fixed the hole in our wall.

No door-stopper + 4 littler sisters who don't know how to carefully open the door = This.

My solution?

There, I fixed it.

Hehe ;)

I wrote a letter to a friend. I tidied up our room. I did some homework, then I went on a walk with Kyla. We were walking and minding our own business, when we came across a random speedometer that wasn't there before. Of course... we had to try running towards it to see if it would tell us how fast we were going. Needless to say, it was a stupid idea, and I now have a little less skin on my hand, knee, shoulder and hip.

Looking on the bright side, I had a heart just in time for Valentine's Day. I meant to do that. :P

Isn't it cute?

No?

Oh... sorry. :P

So... mostly everyone knows that story already, because it was pretty much the only semi-interesting thing that happened to me this week, up until Friday (but we'll get to that in a second).

Tuesday was Valentine's Day, and I followed my yearly tradition of gorging myself with chocolate until my stomach begged me to stop. (Ok... I wasn't that bad... ;) We hung out at my grandparents' house, and I got more homework and reading done.

Wednesday the temptation to use the computer wasn't as huge, because I was out and away from the computer. I groomed horses all day, and at that point I was still sore from my little run-in with the ground (not the friendliest guy, is he?)

I got to take some pictures, though! :D

Thursday was my Worldview class held by some friends of ours. Of course, the topic for that week was entertainment and the media. I winced when the guy on the video they had us watch said that our generation constantly needs to be entertained. At that point, I had cheated on my no-computer-week a couple times. *blush*

Friday I had fun dancing the night away with a couple friends. : D

The only downside was the annoying, but totally-worth-it sore muscles on Saturday. ;)

So that was last week. Disappointed? That's ok... so am I. :P I might try to avoid the computer a little more this week, as well, because I still didn't get too much accomplished last week. It wasn't because of the computer, though (or maybe that's the denial talking)... it was because every day this week I slept in, due to the fact that I'm nocturnal. Actually, I just might be a vampire; I'm pale and I never sleep. ;D

Memory Monday: Parks

I've always loved parks. The play equipment; The vibrant green, perfectly-manicured lawn; The towering trees and the trees perfect for climbing; the wide, open spaces for running...

The only thing I wasn't too fond of was the kids.

You see... I never had good luck with kids at parks. This may be hard for some of you to believe, but I was actually a really social little kid. I saw places like the park as just another social outlet. Unfortunately, not too many other kids had the same outlook. Other times, I'd just run into kids who were just plain rude. Examples? Here you go.

_______________________________________

I was about 6 years old. We all walked to the park at my great grandma's house. I had a lot on the agenda for that day: I was to run wistfully and majestically around the trees, singing songs from "Quest for Camelot." (I felt a bond with the main character, since both of our names were Kaylee, and all... ;) But the second we got there, my plans were changed upon finding a myriad of kids to play with! I imagined all the fun we'd have. They were in the middle of playing tag or hide and seek or something like that... but I walked up to one of them and asked to play.

"Sorry," she looked down on me from the slide, "it's sort of a family game."

My hopes imploded as I walked away, defeated. I didn't understand why they wouldn't want to play with me... I was a pretty cool kid, wasn't I? We would've had so much fun! ...And since when was tag a "family game"...?

I wound up spending the rest of my time at the park crying, slowly circling the trees and pathetically singing songs from "Quest for Camelot" at a much slower, solemn tempo. We wound up leaving shortly afterwards, because one of the kids on the monkey bars spit on Karissa's head. O_o

______________________________

Years went by, and we moved into a neighborhood with a park within walking distance from our house. I found myself talking to this girl around my age on the swings. The conversation was going pretty good, then...

"Do you go to Forest Grove Elementary?"
"Nope, I'm homeschooled."

"What...? That's horrible."

"Why?"

"Homeschool SUCKS! You stay in your house all day and you don't get to go on field trips, or talk to friends, or blahblahblahblah"

".....It's not that bad......"

I guess she overlooked the fact that I was talking to her, a complete stranger, so I wasn't a total social degenerate... ;)

__________________________________________

The next instance came in the form of two preteen boys, one of which I thought was really cute. (My taste in boys has changed quite a bit since I was 11, so I wonder what I'd think of him now. O_o)

Anyway... they were seeing who could jump off the swings and land the farthest. The second, "less attractive" kid had fallen on his leg and was lying on the ground. This happened to be the time where we walked over to get a closer look at what they were doing, then we decided to place bets (with no stakes... just bragging rights) on who would go farther. Cole, one of the neighbor kids, pointed to the second boy recovering from his minor injury. "I think HE can do it!" He shouted enthusiastically. I turned starry-eyed to the first kid. "Then I think you can do it," I smiled.

"Hey, that's not fair!" He interjected, "You're just betting on me because he hurt his leg!"

I stood where I was, blank-faced at his accusations. My face turned red.

Nope, I wasn't betting on him because his friend hurt his leg. I was betting on him because I secretly thought he was cute. Geesh!

I left the park slightly indignant, embarrassed and thinking he was much less appealing than I had originally articulated.

________________________________________

I guess we did have a couple good experiences at the park. There was one time where I actually found a really nice girl the same age as me. We spent hours at the park talking and playing on the merry-go-round. We had a lot in common. We were both home schooled, and I think we even had similar personalities. She lived in the area, too. She told me the street that she lived on, and that she lived in the "brown house." My bad luck here fell in the fact that I forgot the name of the street, and that there are a plethora of brown houses in our neighborhood.

Needless to say, I never saw her again.

Eventually I got older and became more aware of myself and that *gasp* I could say something stupid! So I didn't feel as comfortable going up to strange kids in the park and talking to them (these previously-mentioned incidents could've added to it, too...) Now when I go to a park, there are rarely people my age, anyway. :P

Senioritis

Ladies and gentlemen, fellow high school seniors:

Do you suffer from the following symptoms?

• Stress
• Confusion
• Entrapment in a time warp
• An endless amount of homework, and a lack of desire to finish it all
• An inability to answer the repeated question "ARE YOU GOING TO COLLEGE?!"
• Partial or full-on insanity
• The unyielding urge to sleep for twelve full hours at a time

If you answered yes to one or ALL of these symptoms, then you are suffering from Senioritis.

Senioritis is both a mental and physical condition, causing you to at times relapse to the behavior of a child, bang your head against desks, and eat lots and lots of junk food. Millions suffer from it each year. In the end, no senior is safe.

The cure?

Well... call me if you find one.

I'm nearing the end of my senior year of High School. It's been pretty good, up until now. I just have this unsettling itch under my skin that I can't scratch out. It's the fact that I'm not graduated now. I actually can't wait for it to be over with. That way, I could finally breathe again.

That is... until I have to figure out what I'm doing with the rest of my life.

My mom and I were talking about this, and we both came to the same confusing conclusion. Why is it that the world expects you to know what you're doing for the rest of your life at the age of 18? Heck, we're just kids! We have trouble deciding what we're going to wear in the morning and what we're going to have for breakfast, let alone what to choose as a career!

Sometimes, it seems clear to me what I'm going to do. I'm a writer! I'm a Councillor! I'm a lawyer! I'm a photographer! I'm an ASL Interpreter! Other times... it seems more like this.

Then other times, even that seems too complicated, and my imagination takes me down a few more notches.

Hm... now that I'm finding all these pictures of Squidward that sum up exactly how I'm feeling... maybe he's suffered from Senioritis, too. If so, that can't be a good sign.

Sometimes it feels like all my stress has attached itself to that spot riiiiight in-between my eyebrows, then gets heavier and heavier until it could pull me down head-first. It's probably naive to think that it'd all go away once I graduate (I probably don't know the definition of stress yet!), but I can't wait to just take a breather from school for the three months I can.

I'll probably start slow on the whole College thing. This fall I'll probably take a few basic college classes while I'm waiting for God to prod me one way or the other. Until then, I'll just have to read. And read. And read some more. And write. And do equation after equation... *sob*

Photo Cred:

Crazy Squidward "Spare change?" "Would you like fries with that?"

Random Valentine's Musings...

Do you know someone like this?

"What flavor ice cream do you want?"

"Hm... chocolate. No, strawberry. Cookies and cream... mint...? I dont know..."

"What game do you want to play?"

"I don't know... I like Scrabble, Pictionary, and Apples to Apples, but I'm fine with whatever."

(If you know me... then you know at least one person like this...)

Here's an interesting experiment for you: If this indecisive person happens to be a girl, ask her about weddings and see what happens.

"Oh, when I get married someday I'm going to have a big ball gown, and a live band at the reception, and a four-tiered cake and such-and-such song is going to play for our first dance, and I want red and white roses, and blah. blahblahblahblahblahblahblah...."

I was talking to my friend Anna about weddings last week, and came to an interesting conclusion: it doesn't matter how indecisive I might be; I've been planning my wedding for years. I have a list of songs I want to be played. I have in my mind the kinds of dresses I want to try on. Sure, there have been a few things that have changed over the years, but I still have close to every detail sorted out.

Well... almost every detail.

Obviously, there's going to be one slightly important detail that I don't have yet. ;)

Every year so far, Valentine's Day has meant one thing: Candy, and lots of it. I normally get a tiny box of chocolates from relatives, and eat them until I feel like I'm gonna puke. :P While it's worked for me so far, I can't wait until I find the guy to celebrate Valentine's Day with. :)

It's weird to think that he's somewhere out there, just doing his own thing, maybe occassionally thinking the same about me. At this point, it's all one big guessing game. I could be regularly talking and laughing with him and not even realize, or he could be on the other side of the world. He could be reading this post at this very moment, or he's never even heard of me.

I don't know the who, what, where, when and how... I just know that it's in God's hands, and during Valentine's Day, there's no reason to feel like this (...Even though it's tempting sometimes...)

Or like this:

Sometimes it's easy for me to look at all my quirks and oddities and think, "Wow, that's attractive. Am I training to become the crazy cat lady?!"

Now as I write this I'm wondering... who is the crazy cat lady? What exactly did she do to become the crazy cat lady? Was she simply unattractive? O_o Was she mean? Did she go on so many dates, she couldn't decide what kind of guy she wanted? Did she scare people off with her quirks, or was she just one of those feminists with the mindset of "I don't need a MAN!" :P I think when you think of all the things that could go wrong with her personality, quirkiness might not have been the reason.

I mean... if a guy can find a girl who he loves and can be himself around, who makes him laugh and cares for him, what then is a few quirks? Am I right? Hopefully...? :P

Ah, and the tangents abound! This post is so random... :P

But anyway... to all the singletons out there... smile, eat candy, and have a good Valentine's Day. Don't let it be a disheartening reminder of what you don't yet have, but instead let it be a day to remind you that the person God has for you is out there somewhere. You don't need to scan crowds of people in search for your Waldo; it's God's will, and you can relax knowing that He'll bring you two together when the time is right. :)

And when you think of it that way, it's a little easier to sit back, eat some truffles, and watch "The Notebook" in peace.

Crazy Cat Lady

Runaway Groom

How To Become a Typical Teenager

Hello, there.

Are you a preteen, plunging into the wonderful world of young adulthood?

Are you a teenager struggling with your own typicality?

Then this instructional blog post is for you!

We want to make sure that you’re on the road to becoming the dramatic, lazy, messy, boy-crazy, video-game-playing, angst-ridden, rebellious teenager we know you can be! Now buckle your seat belts, because we’ll be racing you to the finish line on becoming the most mediocre young adult you can be!

Step 1: Conformity

Before we can teach you how to become the typical teenager, we need to teach you to follow MAP.

Say, what’s MAP?

Haha, No. Not that map.

MAP is an acronym that stands for

Media

Authority

and

Peers

If you follow MAP, you never need to think for yourself again! Let MAP guide you on how to think, act, and dress. As long as it’s legal and everyone else is doing it, you’re doing A-OKAY.

If you follow MAP, you’ll be seeing the Exit sign to Normsville in NO TIME!

Step 2: Expectations

Now that you know how to follow MAP, you might be shocked to discover that most adults follow MAP, as well.

The media sets the tone for how we’re supposed to act. If their version of the “Typical Teenager” is mediocrity, then by golly, we should all accept it! Since adults have made it the norm, then you should never surpass their expectations. No one likes a goody goody! Meet society’s expectations or stay below them, but don’t cross that line! You just might find yourself...

SHUNNED.

The next 3 steps will show you how to perfectly grace society’s expectations.

Step 3: It’s All About You

Nobody expects you to think otherwise! Let this be your excuse to sit on your butt for hours on end, doing absolutely nothing! You’re at the center of the universe, and everybody is around to please you. When you encounter any opportunity, make sure to ask yourself this simple little phrase: “What’s in it for me?”

Remember that phrase?

Swell! You’re one step closer to your goal!

Step 4: Emotions

Right now, your body is bursting with all kinds of hormones. These hormones make you more prone to breakouts.

Emotional breakouts, that is.

This is perfectly normal, so make sure to be a volcano of explosive emotions. Is your annoying brother touching your stuff? Yell at him! Are your parents totally ruining your life? Yell at them! Is Bobby totally cheating on Susan in that drama you like to watch? Yell at him!

When you’re letting your emotions get the best of you, attitude is the frosting on the proverbial cupcake of angst. “Whatever,” “Puh-lease” and the famous sighing/eyeroll combination are key. And make sure to slam those doors!

Step 5: The Opposite Sex

Are you single? Then you better look at that MAP again!

The media says that your teenage life should be absorbed by thoughts of the opposite sex. Let yourself fall into a metaphorical pool, if you will, of your own fancies. If you don’t at least have a crush on anyone, you suck at life.

But don’t worry! Finding a boyfriend/girlfriend is easy! All you need to do is find somebody attractive and flirt with them. If they respond positively to the flirting, ask them on a date. Then another, then another.

Have you survived a few dates?

Then congratulations! You are now officially in a relationship!

Remember the phrase from Step 3? Now’s the perfect time to use it! What is this person doing for you? Are they meeting all of your expectations? Are they making you happy? If not, then say goodbye and find someone else who does. Repeat.

Step 6: Rebellion

Are you ready for the final step? Good!

Being rebellious is just a display of what we’ve already gone through. You’ve learned to be selfish, lazy, and dramatic, so now it’s the perfect time to learn how to put them into overdrive with rebellion.

Society expects rebellion at some point in your teenage life, so do something outrageous! Get tattoos and piercings, date someone your parents hate, dye your hair pink and/or wear revealing clothing. You’re practically an ADULT now. You can do as you please, and no one can tell you what to do!

Have you completed this step?

Then CONGRATULATIONS!

You've arrived at our finish line and have become a truly average individual!

.........................................................

I feel like God was totally leading me to post this, not only for others to read it, but for myself as well. I found myself wincing a few times, thinking, "Shoot! I do a lot of these things..."

And of course, we're still human. Sometimes everyone gives into mood swings, laziness and selfishness. At the same time, though, we're being told there's nothing wrong with it. America doesn't expect enough from us. This has become the norm, and teenagers are becoming more and more "typical."

Do you want to be a "Typical Teenager"? If so, follow all the steps listed above.

If not, then I highly recommend "Do Hard Things" by Brett and Alex Harris. Go ahead and visit their website, too, and join the "rebelution"! ;)

"Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity." ~1 Timothy 4:12

Photo Cred:

50's dude James Dean Yelling kid Sad vintage girl Shunned Girl I'm the MAP! Confused boy Cheesy thumbs up guy Cartoon thumbs up boy