Adventures in Monotony!

Sorry I've been away for so long. I've been hiding under a rock for about a month or so now... 

There are several reasons why I haven't written in here in forever. I've had sort of a rough month involving job hunting (while sleeping like I work a night shift), eating lots of food, and reading copious amounts of Sherlock Holmes mysteries. I've written a few posts in my absence, but have yet to finish them, so right now they're collecting cyber dust my little post box without actually posting them. They're all really random and need a lot of work that I'm too lazy to produce right now. So I'm hoping you don't come after me with your pitchforks quite yet (I'm probably too lazy to run from you). 

It's sort of hard to write about your life when nothing really cool is happening to you at the moment. If I wrote about my life right now, I'd really have to cheese it up to make it worth reading.

There was a calm too eerie not to take notice of. I stood in the kitchen, bracing myself before pulling on the cold handle that distorted my reflection in front of me. BAM! 

I move back just in time, but don't react in time to save it. There it lies on the ground, its insides exposed to the cruel world in which it fell. I dropped the cottage cheese in a refrigerator avalanche. 

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I wasn't expecting to see you here. For a long time I've wanted you, dreamed about you, but alas, I was expecting to open the door to utter disappointment. In a hopeless place you waited for me, and now we are united as you touch my lips. How I love you, Last Frozen Bean Burrito.

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With determination on my brow, I set off as the world sets against me. I fight the dragons and other adventurers who seek to claim my land, yet rise defeated every time. My morale declines as I settle in territory in a faraway world. There are no parking spots at Target. 

So... yeah. :P 

Another reason you haven't heard from me in a while is because I'm trying to write a book! 

I've decided to go along with the idea I was discouraged about in this post. I got some inspiration and some new ideas, so I don't think I'll be copycatting anyone. I haven't gotten too far yet, and I'm hoping I'll make it to the finishing line this time, but I might as well let you guys know. : ) 

I'll try to pop in here every once and a while and try to finish some of those half-baked blog posts. I hope you all had a happy Thanksgiving, and didn't get trampled today. ;D 

Life In Letters 3

Dear Pinterest,

You make me feel crafty when I've hardly lifted a glue gun, like an athlete when I can hardly jog for one minute, and like an inspiration although hardly anything eloquent comes out of my mouth. Also, I never realized there were that many uses for glow sticks. They seem to have so much... purpose now. 

~Kay

Dear Fast Food Restaurants, 

Why must you always give your menu items dorky names? Do you think it sounds creative, or do you like to just hear us suffer as we try to say "I'd like the huckleberry hullaballoo" and have you take us seriously?
"Can I have a... urm... sundae?"
"Sure, what kind?"
"A... um... a cutiepatootiesundae?"
"Sorry, you'll need to speak up."
"I WANT A CUTIE PATOOTIE SUNDAE!" *huffs* Don't judge me.

Your frustrated customer,
~Kay

Dear Whoever it was who Designed Graduation Caps,

It's a square. With a tassel on it. That attaches to your head. Really?
~Kay

Dear Dancing Little Caesar's Guy, 

Your grueling job of dancing around in the hot sun and smelling your own skin baking to medium rare in an embarrassing costume is not in vain. Sometimes all it takes to brighten someone's day is to see some random dancing person on the side of the street. 
You're simply awesome. Also, you've got some nice moves.
~Kay

Dear Shoes, 

Thanks for protecting my feet from random icky things on the ground, and for looking so darn cute while doing it. 
~Kay

Say Ahhhhkward

I did a very grownup thing a couple weeks ago.

I went to my very own doctor appointment. Without my mommy.

She couldn't make it, so she gave me the insurance card and a copay and sent me on my way. Because I don't have my license yet, my grandma came with me and a few of my sisters tagged along, so I wasn't totally alone, but it was still weird.

Because when I finally found the stinking doctor's office (which, in fact, was not the ESD building...) I was told that my appointment really wasn't at 2:30, but 2:20. Then it took a while for her to verify things. Then I had to fill out a bunch of stuff.

As I scribbled in the spaces, the nurse came out. "Kaylee Beutler?"
I awkwardly stood up with my clipboard. "Do you want me to fill this out first?"
"No, just come on back." Then she mumbles, "You're already late, so..."

Ok, so at this point we aren't friends.

The door closes behind me and I'm all alone.
I uncomfortably followed her back to the scale, and she just waited by it expectantly. I just stood there like an amish kid in an elevator.

"Get on the scale."
They didn't use the stethoscope on me that day, but her icy voice had the same effect on my mood.

I stepped onto the scale and she demanded I put my hand out so she could hook that little oxygen-thingie to my finger.

"You need to put down your purse," she said flatly.

I just wanted to do what she said so she wouldn't hurt me, so I tried to put my purse down. Which wouldn't have been a problem, had she asked me before she hooked me to the oxygen-thingie. I didn't know what to do, so I awkwardly shrugged my purse off my shoulder and let it wait at my wrist, as it threatened to zipline down the cord that stood in its way to freedom.

Even though she didn't outwardly roll her eyes, I could sense her entire being casting itself up to the heavens and asking, "why me?"

She grimly announced which room I was in (Room 13, go figure), and I walked to it like a prisoner awaiting their execution.

Something told me it wasn't the end of this awkward encounter, and I was right.

Because she sat down and asked me all sorts of questions I didn't know and probably should have. I felt like I was on a trivia show for my own life and I was losing.
"Do you have any allergies to medication?"
"Um, Sulfa... I think..."
"You...think?"
"Well, I was a baby, so I don't really remember..."

"What pharmacy do you go to?"
"Uh... I'm not sure..." I laughed nervously. She looked at me like she'd just asked me my name and I gave her that answer.
"I think it's Fred Meyer...?"
"Ok... which one?"

At this point she hated me.

When the interrogation was over with, she huffed out of the room, but didn't take with her the awkwardness that staled the air.

I went through all that to be told I wasn't drinking enough water. (Which is good, actually). But... yeah.

I learned a little something that day: Never. I mean ever. Be late for a doctor appointment. Unless you need exercise and the kind of motivation being chased by an angry mob can give you.

Hallways, Driving, and Scattered Thoughts

Well hello there... 

Ok, just felt the need to creep you all out. ;) 

So I am in a very frustrating phase of my life right now. It's the "Hallway" phase. 

Maybe you've seen this picture circulating around the interwebs: 

I narcissistically think it might've been written for me. XP 

Because most days I feel like this: 

But instead of "Praising God in the hallway," I wind up maniacally running around and pounding on all the doors. Because transition phases are rough. It's like reliving your awkward years, minus the braces and frizzy hair. 

But if God calls us to praise Him in good times and the bad times, then that probably includes the mediocre times, too. 

And at the same time, I've been so busy. I've been working on getting my driver's license (which has been a 2 year endeavor...) :P So I've been doing a lot of driving. I haven't killed anything yet (although I almost killed a street light once... perhaps I'll be writing a Memory Monday on that one?)  So I'd say that's a good sign. 

This post is just meant to be a slightly random reminder that I'm still here, and I have a *ton* of catching up to do about last summer before I start writing about how amazingly awesome fall is. Every time I sit down and try to write a blog post that isn't a maze of tangents and tomfoolery, I get a little A.D.D. Just trying to make summer last longer... :D

Tomfoolery is an awesome word. 

And hey! This week is the HSBA Post Blog Nominations. You'd be my new best friend if you voted for me in the Teen category...

(Sorry, couldn't resist).
Anyway, all you need to do is click here, scroll down to "Best Teen Homeschool Blog," and put my blog name in the first box and the url to my blog (http://www.whateverrblog.blogspot.com) in the second one. If you can get other people to vote for me too, (friends, family, family friends, pets, rodents, that spider on your back porch...) that'd be awesome, too. :) Love you guys!

The Gospel According to Dirt

So today I'm here to talk about dirt.

Please contain your excitement. ;)

Yesterday, in a sermon about trusting God, I somehow wound up thinking a lot about dirt (don't ask how, I have no idea...)

How we try so hard to get rid of it.

We sweep it out of our houses.

We wash it off our clothes, cars, dogs and kids.

It contains some of the lowest lifeforms and creepy crawlies that gross us out.

Dirt is probably one of the lowest substances on earth...

But that's what we're made of.

"...The Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being." ~Genesis 2:7

Maybe I never really looked into it that much. "Yup, the Bible says God made us from dirt."

But I never put a ton of thought into it.

How did God take something as simple as dust from the ground and create the most brilliantly complex work of engineering on earth?

How could He take something as low as dirt and breathe it into His image?

Not only is it beautifully poetic, but it just shows how amazing and powerful God is.

It's also humbling. We came from dirt. We can be reminded of it by our "dirty" human nature and inclinations to go against God. It's a stain we can't wash out on our own. Through Jesus we have the assurance that although our bodies will return to the dirt, our spirits will be safe with Him.

Oh, and another thing: Dirt is just dirt... unless a seed is planted in it.

Then this can happen:

One of the reasons God created dirt is to bring forth beauty. If Jesus is planted in us, we'll have some flowers of our own springing from our chest (not literally... that could get creepy). :P

So I have some flowers and a few weeds that need plucking... but God is an excellent gardener! :D

Maybe it's a bit cheesy, but... I just love metaphors! Don't you just love metaphors?! I love metaphors.

Conspiracy Theory: Whale Fountains

We've all seen them.

They are built in parks and public squares everywhere. Children frolic in them and we gather around them. But how much do we know about the dark secret that's tucked underneath the surface?

The answer is nothing.
UNTIL NOW.

What I am about to reveal to you will both shock and terrify you. There's really no easy way to say it, so I'll just blurt it out there.

These suspected "water fountains" are really whales trapped underground.

Now listen. I can hear you groaning at your computer screens. Maybe a couple of you laughed. But we mock what we don't understand.

It's a familiar picture to us all: Shaggy-haired college kids campaigning to "Save the Whales." But they aren't really saving the whales. They're in cahoots with the government. 

You see, if the government could somehow make us believe that the whales are dying off and need saving, then they'll be able to pull at our heart strings. This will cause us to want to "help the cause," and BAM! More funding.

The only thing is that they needed to weed out some of the whale population to make it look authentic. They needed to think of something to do with all those whales.

After putting their thinking caps on, they came to this conclusion: "Why kill them off," they reasoned, "If we can use them?"

So soon enough, these self-timing ground fountains started cropping up in public places.
They dug up trenches to build underground tanks. Of course this took some of their funds, so the money acquired to "Save the Whales" ironically played a part in their entrapment. The whales, distressed from the lack of elbow room (if you can argue that whales have elbows), spout water from their blowholes. That water is what makes up the fountains.

Whales are smart creatures. They decided to get creative in getting people's attention, so they began using a sequence of morse code to catch our eye. "S-O-S," "Help," and "We're trapped," are a few of the messages they've attempted. But we humans don't notice and believe that the fountains are on some sort of timer.

So now you know. And knowledge is power. And with great power comes great responsibility. So
SAVE THE WHALES!

That is all.
And no. I am not crazy. At least... that's what the voices tell me...

Summit 1

I'm back from my summer filled with long car rides, Wonka candy, pillow fights and Journey music. I think it's safe to say that it was the best two weeks EVER.

I'll probably be doing a few posts on this, or else you'll be sitting at your computer screen until your eyeballs roll back in your skull and you start foaming at the mouth (and nobody wants to see that!) So I'll start at the beginning and work my way through.

We all hopped into the van at 5 am and prepared ourselves for the 14 hour drive ahead. It sounded daunting and exciting to me at the same time. I'm one of the weirdos who actually like long car rides. :P

As you can see from the blurry picture above, it was barely light out. I could've slept for another hour or so in the car, but I was way too excited.

We had a lot to look at, anyway. The windmills reminded me of giant, retarded pinwheels that just sort of hung out in the heat of the day.

Like the entire trip, the car ride somehow felt really long and really short at the same time. We took a few breaks to stretch our legs, and we played frisbee at a gas station for a while. Just, you know, 'cause we're amazing. :P

There came a point where I definitely felt like I wasn't in Oregon anymore. I think it was when we started driving past the gynormous mountains, canyons, and Mormon churches (we counted about 40 when we drove through Utah!) It seemed like a weird feeling to feel the same but in a totally different backdrop... if that makes any sense. :P

We stopped in Utah and stayed the night with a friend's relatives, and, like the crazy people we are, we went to the park and played "Lava Monster". Then we danced on the lawn.

Then my head hit the pillow and I fell asleep instantly.
It's weird how exhausting it can be to just sit all day...