This week is our church's annual camping trip.
I am soooo freaking EXCITED!!!
All I've done this week so far has been in preparation for the camp out (except maybe watching "The Regular Show"... that probably doesn't relate...but I *did* watch the camping episode!)
Yesterday was insane.
We store most of our camping stuff at my grandparents' house, because they have a separate storage area that holds way more than our tiny garage. So yesterday I went over there to pull things out, clean them up a little, and make sure everything's accounted for.
The only problem is that there are tons of spiders in there. They aren't tiny, either. They're the kind of spiders that look like they mean business.
At first everything was going according to plan. It was pretty windy, so I was able to hold up the tent and let the wind catch it so I could shake out all the dirt. I felt like I was flying a giant, six-person tent-sized kite.
But then I happened to glance inside the tent as the air was filling it up, and I witnessed a freaking huge spider.
It was about the size of my head, I kid you not. Its legs were as long as my arms, and its fangs probably put Dracula to shame. It could also smell fear. And I'm pretty sure it was telepathic.
I didn't want to lose him inside the tent, so I kept my eye on his whereabouts and slowly set the tent down. I then proceeded to stomp madly all over the tent like a blind elephant at a mouse parade. When that wasn't enough, I took the bin of life jackets (ironic?) and pounded it mercilessly in the vicinity of the villainous arachnid.
I'm pretty sure I killed it five times.
When I thought the dark deed had been accomplished, I let air fill the tent again and took a look. I saw him laying lifelessly in the same spot he was in, and I let the wind tumble him to the door so I could get him out. I poked him with my shoe...
And he twitched.
After screaming, "OH CRAP IT'S ALIVVVVEEEEE!!!!" I hammered it with my flip flop and threw it in the grass.
Once that was over I felt pretty good. I didn't leave the tent to cowardly wait for someone else to dispose of it (like I usually do...), but I jumped right on in there and took care of it myself! I somehow even got "We Are the Champions" stuck in my head.
Maybe I got a little too confident in my abilities. "After defeating terminator spider, I can pretty much handle all this other stuff I have to do," I said to myself.
At that very moment, God decided to make me a little more humble by sending a bee to buzz my ear.
I screamed bloody murder.
The day didn't end without having a bird pooping on my back (seriously... that's never happened to me before yesterday!), and toiling over folding the tent to fit inside of that tiny bag it comes in, only to discover that we still needed to set it up to make sure we had all the parts. :P Just my luck.
...And we haven't even gone camping yet. Let's just say that I'm not really good at "roughing it," so it's a good thing that our campsite is relatively civilized. (At least we have showers and port-a-potties!)
Showing posts with label Screaming. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Screaming. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
Memory Monday: Praying Mantis

It doesn't take a mathematician to know that Girls + Bugs = Freaking out. (In our case, it would be Girls + Bugs = Screaming bloody murder...). But who could blame us, anyway? Here we are, sitting on our tuffets (whatever tuffets may be), minding our own business, when along comes a big, hairy, slimy, bug-eyed creature. Girls and bugs aren't on very good terms, but especially when bugs sneak up on us unexpectedly.
This theory has been proven in our house on several occasions. Like, for instance, the unforgettable "Praying Mantis" incident in the Summer of 2008.
It was a Sunday, and we had just started attending our church. It was a great day, and I remember it like it was yesterday. I was talking to people, my sisters were off playing, and some of the little boys found a whole bunch of praying mantises by the church building (of course... where *else* would they go to pray, right?) ;) One of them was a little guy named Andrew, who was about 6 at the time. He was catching them in a coffee cup and covering it with a paper towel. I guess he thought that would be enough to contain it...
We were about to leave, and all my sisters were getting into the car as my mom was talking to Andrew. He was sort of leaning on the passenger seat with the door open. We all loaded up, said our goodbyes, and we were off.
We decided to make a stop at my grandparents' house on the way home. The drive was typical, nothing exciting. We were literally seconds from the driveway, when...
A blood-curdling scream arose from the back seat. Then another... then another... until the air trembled with a myriad of shrieks rising in every direction.
Aaand if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right?
At first I wasn't even sure *why* we were screaming. Then it was reported that one of my sisters (who shall remain nameless... ;) felt something crawling on her arm. It was the praying mantis that Andrew was holding earlier! It had somehow landed in our car when Andrew was over there, and made it to the back seat while my mom was driving.
We couldn't find the praying mantis after that. I can almost hear the poor little guy explaining the whole thing at a therapy session:
"After I had been abducted, I found myself in some sort of dark... shuttle-like apparatis. As I tried to make my escape, I landed on the most horrifying creature I'd ever laid eyes on, that made the most ghastly screeching sound I've ever had the misfortune to hear. I was confused and disoriented, then fell onto unknown territory.
...And that's how I lost 60% of my hearing."
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