The One About Modesty...

 

Now wait a second.

Before I go on with this one, I want to make you sure of something.

Every Christian girl has gone through the "modesty" talk at one point in her life. I don't want to bring about any sort of PTSD flashbacks of various awkward summer camp/youth group "Girl Talks." (You know this has happened to you at least once!)

This is a different talk on modesty. It's not going to be about what I think is or isn't modest, or how I think you should or shouldn't dress. It's quite the contrary.

This is actually me ranting a little bit. 

And by ranting, I'm not by any means saying that modesty is "bad" or "wrong." Modesty is biblical, and to say that it isn't would be a lie. God wants us to dress modestly. But what does that mean? 

To a lot of people, modesty has a "what not to wear" list. Some people go harder on this list than others, and sometimes, when someone strays from the "list," they're approached for being immodest.

I don't like the list. 

I mean, obviously there are just some things you shouldn't wear. Like this.

Work it.

But there are a lot of variables that we don't really take into account, and these are the things I want to talk about. 

Culture

I really think that modesty is relevant to culture. To dress appropriately in Brazil might not be the same as it would be in Pakistan. It's totally normal to see a woman's midriff in India, but there are other standards of dressing there that we wouldn't even consider. Does that mean they're wrong and we're right?

Each culture has different aspects of the opposite sex that they find sensual. For some cultures it's legs, for others it's the midriff, etc. So we see people in those cultures covering up differently. It's when you wear something that draws attention to what's sensual in that culture that you start getting stares.

Time Period
Somewhat related to culture, modesty is also in a lot of ways relevant to time period. A culture's ideas of what's physically attractive changes over time. It was at one point scandalous to show your ears! Obviously most people can look at ears now without a second thought. At another point it was ok to wear a low-cut dress, but it was incredibly inappropriate to show your ankles. Style and fashion fluctuate so much over time, that it would be impossible to keep a single standard of how to dress.

Body Type

This one is huge, and I think it's one that isn't considered at all through the "list" mentality. We aren't all given the same body type, so we can't exactly dress it the same way. Tank tops can show too much skin on one girl and be totally fine for another. The same shorts could look too short on one girl and the right length on another. And that leads me to yet another thing that annoys me: The "fingertip test." 

If you've never had to do the fingertip test, it goes like this: If you naturally let your hands fall at your sides, wherever your fingertips are, that's where the hem of your shorts should be. That's all fine and good... but for me, my arms are like this.

And my fingers are like this.

So you can imagine my frustration.

Activities

There are a lot of sports or activities that call for uniforms or articles of clothing we wouldn't typically wear all the time. You wouldn't wear a leotard to church. You wouldn't wear a swimsuit to the store. But does that make those things immodest?
My opinion is no.
There are certain sports and activities that require the uniforms they have, not to be "flashy" or "sexy," but for practicality's sake (unless you're the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders...)

Then there are swimsuits.
This one is a delicate topic, and it hits a nerve in every Christian in one way or another. I honestly still don't know exactly where I stand. There are some Christians who can, with a clear conscience, wear bikinis. I'm not personally one of those people (but I'm definitely not condemning anyone who does!)
There are obviously tons of swimsuits that are designed to show off our "assets" in the most provocative ways possible, but not all of them are built like that. My general opinion is this: Swimming at all is risky in terms of modesty, because water likes to cling to fabric. And pull things down... or off...
This renders it impossible to be as modest as you typically are, no matter what. It's not everyone's attitude to wear swimsuits that expose things they don't usually expose-- sometimes it just happens! So my "rule" would be to wear something practical while covering up the obvious, stay away from anything that can be easily undone (or seriously double-knot that sucker), and go swimming. The good news is that one pieces are making a comeback! There are actually a lot of really cute "retro" swimsuits that are coming out that are really cute and cover stuff up.

Attitude

This one is being neglected by a lot of Christian circles too, and I think it's really important to note.

I could wear a turtleneck, a headdress, a jumper and a Snuggie and still be immodest. How?
Modesty doesn't only lie in how you dress, but your attitude.
If you're acting in a way that distracts you or others, whether by bragging or flirting, you're being immodest.

If we have the right attitude, we don't want to be a distraction to guys. Sometimes girls go a little overboard in constantly worrying about being a "stumbling block" to boys. Even though it's a good thing to be conscious of our "menfolk" (lol), it's impossible to please everyone. If we got every guy's opinion of what they found distracting or immodest and dressed ourselves with that list in mind, we would be walking around like this.

And I don't think that's very practical... :P

And men (if there are any men brave enough to make it this far), we aren't responsible for your thought lives. We should definitely do what we can to not be a distraction to you, but ultimately it isn't on us, just like it isn't on you if we have struggles with our thoughts. We all have the power to think about anything we want, but that doesn't mean we should. ;P

Sometimes, in the same way that girls use the way they dress to attract attention from the opposite sex, they can also use the way they dress to gain acceptance in whatever social circle they're in. Even Christian ones. Some girls could be following "the list" to perfection because they believe that those rules are right. Other girls might just be following them to fit in with the girls who go by the list, but wind up dressing just to please other people. Either way, God doesn't want us to constantly worry and obsess about how we look on any level. He doesn't want us to constantly worry or obsess about anything, really.

He wants us to lean on Him.

Which is why it's important not to try to please other people with how we dress. This is where we go wrong with modesty.
I remember one of the teachers at Summit Ministries saying, "Purity isn't a line, it's a direction."
If purity was a line, we'd just try to get as close as we could to it without stepping over it. If it's a direction, we look to God for guidance on how we dress and behave. This is how we need to approach this. We need more God and less us... in every sense of the phrase. ;)

So that's my opinion on modesty. Maybe I've opened a can of worms... but I honestly hope that I didn't step on anyone's toes!

What are your thoughts?