How To Become a Typical Teenager

Hello, there.

Are you a preteen, plunging into the wonderful world of young adulthood?

Are you a teenager struggling with your own typicality?

Then this instructional blog post is for you!

We want to make sure that you’re on the road to becoming the dramatic, lazy, messy, boy-crazy, video-game-playing, angst-ridden, rebellious teenager we know you can be! Now buckle your seat belts, because we’ll be racing you to the finish line on becoming the most mediocre young adult you can be!

Step 1: Conformity

Before we can teach you how to become the typical teenager, we need to teach you to follow MAP.

Say, what’s MAP?

Haha, No. Not that map.

MAP is an acronym that stands for

Media

Authority

and

Peers

If you follow MAP, you never need to think for yourself again! Let MAP guide you on how to think, act, and dress. As long as it’s legal and everyone else is doing it, you’re doing A-OKAY.

If you follow MAP, you’ll be seeing the Exit sign to Normsville in NO TIME!

Step 2: Expectations

Now that you know how to follow MAP, you might be shocked to discover that most adults follow MAP, as well.

The media sets the tone for how we’re supposed to act. If their version of the “Typical Teenager” is mediocrity, then by golly, we should all accept it! Since adults have made it the norm, then you should never surpass their expectations. No one likes a goody goody! Meet society’s expectations or stay below them, but don’t cross that line! You just might find yourself...

SHUNNED.

The next 3 steps will show you how to perfectly grace society’s expectations.

Step 3: It’s All About You

Nobody expects you to think otherwise! Let this be your excuse to sit on your butt for hours on end, doing absolutely nothing! You’re at the center of the universe, and everybody is around to please you. When you encounter any opportunity, make sure to ask yourself this simple little phrase: “What’s in it for me?”

Remember that phrase?

Swell! You’re one step closer to your goal!

Step 4: Emotions

Right now, your body is bursting with all kinds of hormones. These hormones make you more prone to breakouts.

Emotional breakouts, that is.

This is perfectly normal, so make sure to be a volcano of explosive emotions. Is your annoying brother touching your stuff? Yell at him! Are your parents totally ruining your life? Yell at them! Is Bobby totally cheating on Susan in that drama you like to watch? Yell at him!

When you’re letting your emotions get the best of you, attitude is the frosting on the proverbial cupcake of angst. “Whatever,” “Puh-lease” and the famous sighing/eyeroll combination are key. And make sure to slam those doors!

Step 5: The Opposite Sex

Are you single? Then you better look at that MAP again!

The media says that your teenage life should be absorbed by thoughts of the opposite sex. Let yourself fall into a metaphorical pool, if you will, of your own fancies. If you don’t at least have a crush on anyone, you suck at life.

But don’t worry! Finding a boyfriend/girlfriend is easy! All you need to do is find somebody attractive and flirt with them. If they respond positively to the flirting, ask them on a date. Then another, then another.

Have you survived a few dates?

Then congratulations! You are now officially in a relationship!

Remember the phrase from Step 3? Now’s the perfect time to use it! What is this person doing for you? Are they meeting all of your expectations? Are they making you happy? If not, then say goodbye and find someone else who does. Repeat.

Step 6: Rebellion

Are you ready for the final step? Good!

Being rebellious is just a display of what we’ve already gone through. You’ve learned to be selfish, lazy, and dramatic, so now it’s the perfect time to learn how to put them into overdrive with rebellion.

Society expects rebellion at some point in your teenage life, so do something outrageous! Get tattoos and piercings, date someone your parents hate, dye your hair pink and/or wear revealing clothing. You’re practically an ADULT now. You can do as you please, and no one can tell you what to do!

Have you completed this step?

Then CONGRATULATIONS!

You've arrived at our finish line and have become a truly average individual!

.........................................................

I feel like God was totally leading me to post this, not only for others to read it, but for myself as well. I found myself wincing a few times, thinking, "Shoot! I do a lot of these things..."

And of course, we're still human. Sometimes everyone gives into mood swings, laziness and selfishness. At the same time, though, we're being told there's nothing wrong with it. America doesn't expect enough from us. This has become the norm, and teenagers are becoming more and more "typical."

Do you want to be a "Typical Teenager"? If so, follow all the steps listed above.

If not, then I highly recommend "Do Hard Things" by Brett and Alex Harris. Go ahead and visit their website, too, and join the "rebelution"! ;)

"Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity." ~1 Timothy 4:12

Photo Cred:

50's dude James Dean Yelling kid Sad vintage girl Shunned Girl I'm the MAP! Confused boy Cheesy thumbs up guy Cartoon thumbs up boy